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Bildungsroman: Murders in the Sanatorium's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| UI | #7 | 3.703 | 4.000 |
| Sound/Music | #10 | 3.703 | 4.000 |
| Overall Fun | #13 | 3.549 | 3.833 |
| Art | #14 | 3.395 | 3.667 |
Ranked from 6 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Hi I am part of the streamers participating in the Feedback Quest. The VOD of me playing this on stream is up.
This game is exemplary. Amazing, I have little words for it. I feel the game wears its inspirations on its sleeves and feels very engaging to play. Even unfinished and such, it felt engaging. I would enjoy playing this very much.
My few gripes would first be with the Princess' name. It does not need to always be named in full I think. Its fine just keeping it as Princess or soemthing. At some point it just becomes a Tongue Twister. The other issue I felt was the Background was a bit saturated and didn't feel right. Maybe lower the overall saturation a bit. The characters were all good and simple. I loved it all but maybe there should be somet added effects on them. Like maybe different versions lit up based on the background they're in. Something to keep the immersion going because the colour of the art is Pastel-ish, the background has a more dynamic colour range and these two elements clash. HOWEVER make no mistake, I believe a VN is carried by both its art and story and I feel that both the art and story here hold their own with more emphasis on story. Its just subtle updates to the art could boost the quality a bit higher.
Overall, I feel a genuine love for the genre and this game is a good example of how to make a good Visual Novel. This meets the standard and has the potential to far exceed it. Please keep up the amazing work and I hope to see more.
Your words mean a lot to me! I initially was concerned about my writing in the trial scene, but to my surprise, a good amount of players, especially other game devs, enjoyed that part and felt it was engaging, so thank you!
Yes, I do have an issue with the backgrounds as well. I have played around a lot with the colors, and it is somewhat hard to figure out what changes would not ruin the scene. I completely replaced some backgrounds between demo version 1.0 and 1.1 because I gave up editing the colors just so they won't mesh with the characters. In the end, backgrounds are something I need to experiment with, and it's great to have other people's opinions on them in order to correct the current backgrounds and decide for the future.
Thank you so much for streaming! And I didn't even know so many game devs in the chat enjoyed my game as well!
Hello! I was one of the streamers who took part in Feedback Quest, and I'm here to leave some comments I had while playing.
Originally, I had the plan to judge this game primarily on its logic for who the murderer is. However, since the game is not finished I'm unable to do this (or at least I couldn't on the path I took). I do hope that if you submit this to a future Feedback Quest that there will be at least one complete path to allow for judgement on that.
I felt the intro text went very fast. I would like to see it slowed down so it can be read in full (especially if someone is streaming it as I was). I also felt that some word choices were a bit confusing. However, this could be a result of translating. I also felt it was awkward when Anastasia was being called "Princess Anastasia Konstantina" in narration without any shortening, to the point where on my stream I started making a joke of saying her name very fast so I could move on. It makes sense when speaking to her, but not in narration.
While I like the art style and generally liked the artwork, I did feel like most of the cast were drawn in ways that didn't match with how they should have looked. Joseph's artwork made him look like a child despite him being only a couple years younger than most of the other patients. Most of this alternate cast looked like teenagers to me rather than adults in their mid to late 20s. When I eventually read that Emilia was supposed to be from India, it made no sense to me because of how light her skin is. Meanwhile, in all of this you have Dr. Adenauer who is supposed to be in his 50s but looks like he's over 70. Also, Anastasia has a huuuuuuuuuuuge forehead. I couldn't stop staring at it. D:
Thank you for streaming! First of all, I really appreciate that you were able to stream up until the end of the demo, and that you went over the three-hour limit in your first part of the stream because you were invested. That really meant a lot to me.
The plan I have is that the final murder will not be revealed until the true ending is reached, which will require finishing several routes to reach that. However, each main route should have enough information to figure out the murderer on its own. Or at least, that's the expectation I have. The current path this demo is on might not show who the murderer is, but I hope you judge it once I submit it to a later feedback fest with a completed path.
As for the confusing word choices, since most of the setting is based on early 20th century or late 19th century literature, I also took a lot of inspiration from the prose of that era while still trying to find a midpoint between that and the typical Visual Novel writing. However, I might be too dependent on trying to pay homage, since there were a lot of writers that I liked from that era, especially non-English writers, whose proses don't mesh well with Visual Novel writing. I'm still trying to find the balance I am satisfied with, but it's hard to figure out. Your stream helped, since you've read out loud a few passages I felt flow well on a word document but not in renpy. I'll try to figure out how to shorten or rewrite those passages whilst still conserving that midpoint.
Again, thank you for streaming, and I really appreciate your help!
I may need to go back and see which words it was that were weird to me, as sadly while I wrote the thought in my notes I didn't include what specific words they were. XD
Very good game, very long and substantial demo that I was unable to finish else missing out on reviewing other entries, however I did get very far, and I did get to the point with the three girls. I think you have fantasic writing that I admire, I also appreciated your landing page was very attractive and well constructed. The story was intreging and I don't usually get a lot of time to play visual novels, this one hooked me in and I'll be playing more later in my own time.
Sound is great, I thought the music on the Emilia interrogation section dragged on a little to long and could have been supplimented with some change, silence or sound for effect, in comparison I think the beginning really uses sounds well so you could use that as a point of reference. Otherwise amazing work, please keep it up, I'd love to see you continue this.
Your comment means a lot to me, thank you! And I really appreciate your streaming! I hope you enjoy the rest of the demo. And yes, I'll try to figure out how to diversify the songs during the trial scene.
Streamed this for 1.5 hour got to the cliff hanger on deciding between the poor Cecil and Fredrick on who to lock while seriously suspecting a third option. I will feature the game as stand alone on my YT later.
I agree with The last secret that I wasn't very sure if I was a male or female in the beginning until I see my name later, (I got lost on what kind of voice I need to find as well as a streamer)
I also agree that BG styles would look better if it's done differently, AI art can be considered as long as you want to keep the game free and not commercial so you don't run into any legal issues.
I think the story was intriguing for me to want to know who killed the professor, but there is an issue as that I completely have NO IDEA who the victim is and I can't picture his importance and relevance unless it's through other characters and his title, then my motivation would be to save myself or maybe the princess from any suspicion but the game didn't reach to that direction which would be more emotionally engaging, it's a mere suggestion but if we can see the professor in an inserted party scene before it all happens it will help a lot story wise for the player, and if not too costly, a way to put the player in more danger so it's more keeping the player on the edge of their seat trying to get to the end of the story.
I have my own suspect, for the sake of the story I could not choose my true choice where I stopped, that was a bit frustrating as the player and that did dim my interest a bit to continue, just thought the emotional feedback would be important.
Thank you for streaming my VN!
Since I originally made the demo as part of a game jam, I had it start in the middle of the story when the string of murders begins. This is so demo readers could jump into the mystery instead of wallowing through the setup. The setup will be focused on the Slice-of-Life side of the characters and story, so the professor will get screen time then. That might mean I have to adjust the trial scene after adding the setup to highlight the importance of the professor like you said, but I think I might rewrite the trial scene in its entirety anyway and figure out how to either prioritize more emotional investment or make it shorter. But currently, I wish to write the rest of this route before I write the setup.
The vote between Cecil and Frederich will impact further murders, which means that point will branch out to two major paths. As of now I am focusing on writing only one of those paths so far. As for not being able to choose a third option, that will be unlocked once the two other paths are completed. Perhaps I should give the MC the option to vote for the doctor but give it a lock symbol to show the choice is possible but only under certain conditions. That might decrease the reader's frustration if they want to vote for the doctor.
Again, thank you for streaming it! Let me know what you think of the rest of the VN once you have the chance!
I think a fake choice will help, what you can do is give a choice to have the MC try to argue the doc is a suspect and get shut down and have to pick the 2 other choices, then drop a hint immediately to player that they can have the path open up again later when MC gather more evidence. I was seeing the possibility of it leading there with the 2 choices, but it's still hard as first time player to want to get through to it without being able to voice myself. Also glad to know there is a setup before leading to this part.
So, I finally had time to play the game. There are quite a few things I like about it the setup, the music, the funny names (Ribeyrolles! – really?! :), the way information is not only presented, but also summarized in the story.
I have, however, a few ideas how to improve the game:
Story:
- At the start, it was unclear to me who I am. Much later I also noticed that there is background information to all characters in the menu. I did not inspect that to be relevant.
- The story is sometimes a bit lengthy. At the beginning, A gets B then C to get D to finally open the door... That's confusing and strange. There are other places where shortening would be easy. (Why first discuss on the corridor that you want to discuss in the music room, e.g.? Let them meet there immediately!)
- The story also jumps sometimes in weird directions. It's particularly hard to follow at the beginning. It's not clear to me why the protagonist is called to the room by Dr. Adenauer or why Emilia's suspicion towards Dr. Adenauer is not taken up by anybody else, but instead suddenly ignored. Also, the nurses are suspicious (the twin sisters only give each other alibis) which is completely ignored, although plain obvious.
- I think some aspects, like the differences between nobility and "ordinary people" are not quite fitting to the time. There should be way more distance or at least the lack thereof should be a big thing in the story.
- The professor is a bit unrealistic. More like people who have no idea about professors think professors are like... (So in other words it' not worse than 99% of media professors.) It would help if at least it's clearly stated that he is a professor of philosophy/sociology/whatever, but not a mixture that seem to do everything from math to history. Even around 1900 nobody outside novels was like that anymore. Also, why does he have "students" at the sanatorium? He's sick and not teaching. If need to, call him a "mentor". Being a "student" is quite a formal thing (lectures at university etc.).
- There's way too little player interaction. Interaction does not have to lead to completely different branches, it can just add some flavor here and there. Let the protagonist reply something and give alternatives there. Both can essentially, after a few sentences, go back to the main route, but it gives the player the feeling to be connected with the person and the story. The first interaction is after one hour or so. That's way too late!
- Don't force the player to do things, he doesn't want to do! I would have voted either for Dr. Adenauer or abstained. – And why are the votes not anonymous, by the way?
- ??? for a name should be avoided. It's not necessary here where you know the persons anyway. I know you want to keep the tension a bit who says or does what, but that's not worth breaking the atmosphere with the player reading "???" and being reminded that it's a VN. ;)
Graphics:
- It took me a long time to get the logo (skull with sand clock). Good idea, but basically too hard to recognize, I'm afraid. (At least for me.)
- I personally would prefer a better fitting font for the text. Something that looks older, like Times (with serifs if you know what I mean).
- The bg style is consistent and OK, but avoid showing close-ups and then present a person in front of it. That looks weird.
- The sprite style is also consistent and OK, but not great.
- Both styles clash quite a bit, so I'm not sure whether I like this: the bg is dark and gloomy while the sprites are in a cute and cheerful style. I like anime style, so I would rather change the bg, but the bg is probably what is fitting better ti the rather gloomy story.
- The map should look hand-written, as it was indeed hand-made...
- When a person talks, there's this nice bouncy effect, but then the lower boundary of the sprite shows...
Sound:
- Nice music, but overused: there are long passages with the same song repeating. It's totally fine in such a slow paced VN with lots of thinking to pause the music for a while and turn it back on for the emotional or suspenseful scenes. (I turned it completely off eventually, and I'm in general quite tolerant to background music.)
Sorry, for so much criticism. I'm sure you planned to improve many of these things anyway, but thought I'd share them with you anyway!
Good luck with your game! :)
Thank you so much for the criticism! It's great to get more readers and know what others prefer! After I made the original nanoreno demo, I only received two comments more detailed than yours, so again, I really appreciate it!
I made the demo to start in the middle of the story when the string of murders begins. This is so demo readers could jump into the mystery instead of wallowing through the setup. The setup will be focused on the Slice-of-Life side of the characters and story, hence the cutesy sprites. I've played horror VNs where they used close-ups of bgs, and I assumed they were used to give feelings of claustraphobia. Maybe I'm using the bgs incorrectly, so I'll keep that in mind to either limit or get rid of them.
One of the most common criticisms of the original demo was how short the scenes were in the game, as there weren't enough characterization and character appearances, so I expanded upon those scenes in the most recent version, albeit maybe a little too much. I also felt unsatisfied with the lengthy scenes, so I agree with you. I'll keep that in mind as I write further.
For instance, in the original nanoreno demo, the trial scene was nonexistent, and readers gave suggestions on how I should write the trial scene. I followed their suggestions, and yet I felt there were some elements which made it lengthy and I wasn't sure why. You pointed out the repetitive bgm, so that might be one of the reasons. (I was trying to find several suitable royalty free bgm for the trial, but I couldn't find any similar enough to complement the two bgms I had) . You also pointed the lack of player interaction, so that might be a good idea to add more MC participation, especially to the trial, just to break up the passages even more.
As for now, I'll continue progressing the demo and will come back to fixing these scenes once I'm done finishing this major route. Thank you!
Ah, I see! that explains why I felt like a lot of characters were suddenly dumped upon me without really knowing who they are... :D
Later on a bit slice-of-life trickles in again making the sprites better fit, but then maybe the more horror-style bgs are not so great. I like the music room vibes. If you don't have a bg artist, trying out some AI graphics might also be an option. Here's a very quick picture that I generated with NovelAI in the first attempt. There sure are imperfections in this picture, but usually they can be either solved by generating a few more pictures to choose from or they can be fixed with a graphic software (even if you are not an artist). See my blog for further reading: https://the-last-secret.mozellosite.com/news/
I think style-wise something like that might fit better, but of course I don't know your preferences... :)