As a kinkster and BDSM enjoyer myself, I applaud you for having tackled such an interesting and challenging topic. I thought the writing was pretty competent and realistic (except for the nature of the "sex club", which ended up looking more like a brothel than a BDSM-themed sex club) and you managed to touch on interesting ideas that went beyond mere descriptions of sex acts.

I do wish you had explored some of these underlying threads a bit more than you ended up doing. While the ideas were there, most of the focus was indeed on the sex scenes and I was left a bit unsatisfied with their resolution. Bit of a nitpick, but I felt like the focus on the wolf and MC's encounter wasn't the most helpful at exploring BDSM, because it ended up blurring the line between the fantasy of a BDSM scene (which is knowingly performed and staged) with the sexual fantasy of the big man coming to save you (which is treated at face value by the story).

Also, and again this is just a nitpick, as a fellow kinkster I wished the story had explored some more kinks! While the three partners provide some variety, especially in the way the MC gets to fill different roles, all of the sessions seemed to revolve mainly around sexual acts and verbal roleplay.

In terms of presentation, I thought neither the visuals nor the music were the best picks (the music ended up being really loud and distracting, this might be the first FVN I ended up playing with the music off).

But again I thought the topic was really interesting and you definitely have the talent to improve on it, I would definitely revisit this story if you decided to expand on it.

I AM RATING THESE ALL THESE JAM SUBMISSIONS RELATIVE TO ONE ANOTHER. THERE ARE HIGH HIGHS AND LOW LOWS BUT PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS TOO PERSONALLY, AFTERALL, WE ALL ONLY HAD A MONTH.

Story (3):

The story feels complete, as if there is a a typical 3-act structure. The set up before the diner scene, before they go into the club and the club itself.

All of the choices feel satisfying and realistic. The writing was overall engaging.

I don’t think I need to go into a lot of details here considering this is the only submission to the jam where my first impressions were recorded live and uploaded for the internet to listen to.

Presentation (1):

I think a few more music tracks could’ve been used to break up the monotony.

It’s kind of underwhelming to just have the character in the middle of the screen for an entire scene just changing clothes or emoting, times three.

The pink room used for the meat of the VN was boner-killing.

Creativity (3):

I think the concept of exploring your sexuality away from the MY WOLF is neat. There are three very different flavors of BDSM.

This is also the first time a MY WOLF power-bottoms the MC so at minimum, you deserve 3 stars for this. I can’t even think of any other VN’s with power-bottoming to begin with.

Total (7):

This earns a solid 12’th place out of 17 for me. This is the point in my ratings where if you put a metaphorical gun to my head and told me to 👍 or 👎, I’ll be giving them a 👍 instead of a 👎.

I wish I didn’t have to censor the goods with Ranok but YouTube is a necessary evil for us.

This was nice! I really enjoy delivering realistic depictions of BDSM through the furry VN medium. It also shines a light on some of the complexities of open or nebulous relationships, which I think is super valuable as well.

Writing was solid! Sentence structure is fantastic. I think the character dialogue could have used some work (feel free to DM me if you want more feedback on it). This was a great first effort, you should be proud :3.

if there is more like a little story, with the same rate diff routes and ofc a good ending, just plz don't make anything scary like one of the games

Not badly written, just feels like a pretty thin wrapper for a bunch of sex scenes. There are some decently funny (I love how the names Dom and Seb also serve a bluntly utilitarian function of making sure the reader knows what they're getting) and insightful (the discussion of cathexis) bits, but not a sense of there being something more under the surface. With the presentation also being fairly plain and a lack of CGs feeling kind of unfortunate, I guess it's the kind of game you like mainly if you're into it.

Was pretty bad ngl

The conflict of this narrative was drawn by the core issue of many a real life conflict-- people not talking.  That's not inherently a bad thing. Not everyone is emotionally healthy enough to talk out their issues, or has a partner they're able to talk to.

The problem is where this narrative's conflict meets essentially the core of the work: it's focus on BDSM. BDSM, when done healthily, is all about communication. What are the limits, what is liked and not liked, when to stop. This is hinted at with the safe word and the alleged aftercare, but we don't really see the aftercare on the screen. We see get hints of poor aftercare, which makes me wonder why they didn't break up earlier. 

Why does it take getting to the sex club to get there? What is the thread that keeps them together when Hadrian is so not enjoying it-- is he so demure that he can't express his dislikes at all, even when theoretically empowered by being a Dom per the outcome when he's chosen? Sebastian and Dom are friends of the nameless protagonist and Hadrian respectively-- they don't get into proper aftercare and discussion matters with their friends either?

It feels like the characters are islands, of sorts. They're isolated. They don't properly connect barring when we're told they connect, but we don't see hints of them connecting in the undisclosed downtime. They are rocks. The aphorism is "no man is an island", but that's true, they're barren rocks, vestiges of concepts of sexuality but with little underneath. They are just coming off as libido, with the most hints being the protagonist concerned that Hadrian isn't into being a dom but when he knows he wants to discuss it, he jumps at the opportunity to go to the sex club and fool around (perhaps with others that aren't his not-quite boyfriend, of which the two choices leads to a breakup).

The breakup scenarios feels more honest. The instance with Hadrian feels like a halmark movie ending, of sorts. Where he comes to Jesus and lets his not-quite boyfriend take the true lead as a Dom ("true lead" as though he doesn't come off as the actual dom given his prior commands for Hadrian to take control in the manner he sees fit, as opposed to the Hadrian choice where Hadrian takes control in the manner he chooses). 

When he sleeps with the friends, that feels true to the narrative that was expressed before the choice. An inability to communicate, to choose his own needs above his "bfs". A lack of the ability to empathize with what others are thinking, like an underdeveloped theory of mind.  Cathexis is apt, as it does feel like an obsession that pushes other elements aside in this narrative.

The presentation of this story was well done, and I quite liked whatever music you found that represented the horny times-- if that was free music it was relatively slapping, but it felt like the desire to portray the BDSM sex and scene overrode the character's abilities to act and react in a more "human" way unless approved by the narrative's choice. At least, if one considers a "happy ending" to be what needs to be earned.

The wordplay ...and roleplay was nice