Play book
Reflections of a Magus's itch.io pageResults
Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
Adherence to the Theme | #3 | 4.219 | 4.296 |
Overall | #14 | 3.698 | 3.765 |
Flow & Clarity | #23 | 3.310 | 3.370 |
Concept & Originality | #25 | 3.564 | 3.630 |
Ranked from 27 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I enjoyed the overall story but found the magus' meanderings started to grate on me by the end. I'm not sure if this was intended as the magus buying time or was unintentional, but that's my only story critique. I highly recommend double-checking for spelling and grammatical errors or getting a second set of eyes on it before submitting. Just makes things smoother for the reader.
All in all, I'm glad I read this. :)
To see someone reflect upon their life in their final moments can often be done as a sad thing, but I like that here it is portrayed almost as a success. The Magus has much to show for his life and I was pleasantly pleased that he was accepting of things as he was, made for an interesting and symbolic read. Excellent work!
I picked up on who the visitor was about half way through, which made a second read through help pick out the nuance in the dialog. A nice touch that got me to read it again.
I picked up on who the visitor was about half way through, which made a second read through help pick out the nuance in the dialog. A nice touch that got me to read it again.
so... was he talking to Death?
loved this story! many poetic parts like 'on every page is the fruits of my life...'
A beautiful work of poetry about a powerful magus looking back on his life as it neared its end.
I loved the line:
"You were the only one who could console my poor mother." Well done!
This was a fine look into the reflections at the end of a long life. The writing was suitably lyric without getting too purple, which I appreciated.
I like some of the descriptions and phrasings very much! Good setting, and I could see clearly in my mind most of what was described.
Some phrasing was a bit awkward, and there were some mechanical issues with repeated words (for example, in the first paragraph, you use "in his tower" twice in the same sentence). Also, at the beginning, it was difficult to know who was talking--earlier use of tags might help.
Lovely prose, though! I liked the "sweet perfume of old memory and bitter scents of sorrow", as well as the paragraph with "On every page lay the fruits of my life..."