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A jam submission

Ill TidingsView project page

A short story written for OPR's Fifth Writing Jam.
Submitted by Chimeric Curiosities (@ChimericCurio) — 1 minute, 19 seconds before the deadline

Play Short Story

Ill Tidings's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Flow & Clarity#24.2864.286
Overall#74.1114.111
Adherence to the Theme#84.2384.238
Concept & Originality#153.8103.810

Ranked from 21 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

Such cruelty, very good!

I might be mistaken, but could it be that you meant 'slavering' or 'slobbering' instead of 'slathering' when describing the mount?

Developer(+1)

Yep, slavering was the intended word.  Thanks for callimg this out!

Submitted

Ill tidings indeed, and a particularly nasty unconventional weapon for a particularly nasty race. The story was very well written with the characters of Captain Manfredd and the Dark Elf Fleetmaster being nicely developed in the brief time available. I personally would have preferred a more unique take on the lore - this story could have been set in the world that inspired OPR, whereas my preference is something to mark the setting and characters as unique to Tyria - but that's a personal preference. Overall well done and a very well-written entry!

Submitted

*whistles* 

that was a amazing story! kind of like a Robert E. Howard story

Submitted

Well written, i really liked the shift in perspective it felt like a scene from a movie, great job!

Submitted

Very nice! I lack the theoretical and practical fundaments for a larger analysis, but I liked the grisly details of war, the revenge of duty (or duty of revenge?) and the very core of the theme beautifuly woven into the story. There is but one word I would replace towards the end of the story - "hobble" with "shuffle". Just to not repeat it too much :)

Developer(+1)

No matter how much I try to throw a thesaurus at my writing, there's always some word that slips through!  

Ah well, such is life.  Thank you for reading and your kind words, I appreciate it!

Submitted

You can almost feel the grim dark setting and the story was quite cruel. I thought the Militia would have a chance at all :)

Developer

Most of the ideas I came up with where pretty grim, now that I think about it.  When writing for these jams, I look to real world myth and historical events for inspiration.  Between the idea of using disease as a weapon and finding inspiration in the Napoleonic battle of Austerlitz, where fleeing Russian and Austrian forces lost a large number of men as they attempted to cross a frozen lake that could not support their weight, I guess this was destined to be a grimdark entry.

I appreciate you reading it and leaving a comment!

Very grimdark.

Developer

While I don't think it is the Darkest of Grims, it did end up a bit more grimdark than I originally planned.  Thanks for reading!

Submitted

Good read and set up, different for that side to be on the winning side of a story.

Developer

Thank you, I appreciate the comment!