Play book
A Beautiful Day - Thesp #OPRWritingJam6's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concept & Originality | #3 | 4.489 | 4.600 |
| Overall | #26 | 3.481 | 3.567 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #27 | 3.123 | 3.200 |
| Flow & Clarity | #32 | 2.830 | 2.900 |
Ranked from 20 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
A very interesting entry that is delightful to read (if a tad confusing on first blush). The alliteration helps pull the reader through it and the overall form works really well to stress a structure of thought that is partially legible to our own (assumed) sensibilities while still being somewhat alien and inscrutable. I do like that it inverts the "Are we the baddies?" question from a entity doing things that are sociatally labeled "good" and having to question if the outcome and means are actually serving that "good" to looking at a society generally termed evil and rationalizing the way they live and why that would be better (in the narrator's mind at least) in their situation than the customs of other factions.
I probably don't want to share a drink with the narrator anytime soon though.
Delightfully high-concept and a good way to make something refreshingly different of the traditional "musings on the culture of my people" sort of work that we often see as part of the "setting" material for games.
I do think the central conceit overstayed its welcome. It was mentally taxing to wade through the language to get a sense of what each paragraph was describing. Perhaps alternating 'internal monologue' and more conventional 1st or 3rd-person paragraphs might have worked a little better? But it's quite difficult to say really, with something this experimental. I *did* really enjoy the insight the word choice and the constant flow of poetic alliteration gave me into the mindset and character of the narrator. Rarely have I felt I understand a short story protagonist better.
This was also a good engagement with the theme. I liked that you took a very strongly "Evil" faction and let them speak for themselves why they are the way they are, turning the theme question "are we the bad guys?" back on the interrogator. Definitely a work that's going to stick with me!
Delightful piece of writing. I have no idea what happened or where the last line came from, but I had a great time reading it.
wow. that was extremely impressive
Sadly I feel my palette is not refined enough for this feast of a work, well done. I have no idea what I just read but man was it poetic.
wow not sure how you did that in the timescale available without something like AI help, so damn well done!
Lots of tabs to thesauruses and coffee XD
I interpret instantly immediately intuitively what you did there. It's like V for Vendetta for Dark Elves. Long way to say your actual message though *winks* i got to the 'U's before I realized relishingly rapidly what was going on.
Yeah, I wanted to reader to get as wrapped up in the poetry of it as much as the dark elf was wrapped up in his own head. There's some other formatting easter eggs in there too! But hope you enjoyed the read!
Also totally forgot it was in V for Vendetta too, I actually was last reminded of Tautograms by the rendition of Adam Warlock in the Guardians of the Galaxy game lol