Indie Legion #PitchYaPitch

Hosted by gaming chef, INDIE LEGION, Realms Games · #PitchYaPitch

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A jam submission

Soul PassageView project page

Metroidvania, Adventure

Submitted by ozbayemrah (@soulpassagegame) — 6 days, 4 hours before the deadline

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Play Press Kit

Soul Passage's itch.io page

Results

Criteria	Rank	Score*	Raw Score
Unique Selling Point	#11	3.467	3.467
Engagement	#11	3.467	3.467
Overall Pitch Quality	#12	3.467	3.467
Clarity	#22	3.000	3.000

Ranked from 15 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

Judge feedback

Judge feedback is anonymous and shown in a random order.

Story told through pitch presents a very clear vision of the direction and style of the game.
A stand out entry! The game sounds great and the visuals are amazing! Suggestions: -- Improve the clarity and consistency of your pitch. -- Cut back on level of detail down to the core points. -- Ensure there is an accessible Press Kit that doesn't require downloading and unzipping. Zip files should be saved for full kits including high res media etc. -- Grab a copy of the Indie Legion Press Kit Lite and start with that. It should help you to refine your pitch to key details. Sharing that will make it more accessible for most streamers, etc and they can then delve further for more information.
You have great concept art and should include more in the press kit
The video could be longer, doesn't relay much to a viewer!
Feedback submitted as Indie Legion.
Could use a clearer explanation of what the game is quicker. Only got the genre after reading more than half of the presskit.
That gif is everything, the start of an encounter of epic proportions! The world is divine looking. I can imagine what the soundtrack would sound like, but I'm probably getting ahead of myself. I think all it's missing are the specifics; the story, gameplay and goal. Beyond that, wonderful~
I loved the cover art! It immediately caught my attention! Made the template their own - really stands out among the rest!

PitchYaPitch Tweet
https://twitter.com/SoulPassageGame/status/1450720781764374534?s=20

Press Kit Link (DevLog Update)
https://ozbayemrah.itch.io/soulpassage

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Comments

MagusEdge3 years ago(+1)

I like the art style and would love to see how the combat from the teaser gif plays out. Good hook but left be wondering what kind of game this is from the tweet alone. I assumed ARPG from tweet alone but could easily have been wrong.

The itch.io page felt a bit disorganized to me: as previously mentioned give the reader the TLDR at the top. Section of your below areas to highlight the aspects that make your game unique. This will help the reader understand if this is a game for them.

Thank you for sharing and best wishes with Kickstarter!

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago(+1)

Thank you so much for your feedback.. I got everything and I will start to work on them.. =) thx for time

Realms GamesJam HostSubmitted3 years ago(+1)

Feedback submitted as Indie Legion.

Submitted

Puzzling Realms

PixelSlopSubmitted3 years ago(+1)

Stunning art and the short teaser makes you want to know more! I'd add a few more details about the genre and gameplay: based on your Itch page, I think including the words RPG and Metroidvania in the pitch would definitely catch even more people's attention.

Submitted

Noisy Head GamesJam Judge3 years ago(+1)

The gif is intriguing and the art style is really unique! The Tweet falls a little short as it doesn't tell the reader much about the game itself - it would be great to swap it out with your elevator pitch/short description.

The text in your press kit is good, but it could use re-organizing. You should put your TL;DR stuff near the top (such as game features list and key information i.e. platforms, release date), and then go into more detail below. Also as other people have said, being able to see the contents before downloading a zip is always good.

The thing that really stood out to me reading through was giving the player the decision on what order they learn the skill tree - that's a really unique and interesting concept! If you can work that into your tweet I think you might turn a lot of heads with that :)

Zwinzler GamesSubmitted3 years ago(+1)

The graphics are really cool, and I think the way you made your tweet makes it very intriguing! It had just enough information to peak my curiosity.

It would be helpful if you labelled the link in your tweet as a kickstarter link - people will be less likely to click on it if they don't know what it is.

Submitted

When The River Runs Dry Early Release

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago

We will let people know we going to move them to kickstarter thank you

INDIE LEGIONJam Host3 years ago (3 edits) (+1)

A stand out entry! The game sounds great and the visuals are amazing!

Suggestions:

-- Improve the clarity and consistency of your pitch.

-- Cut back on level of detail down to the core points.

-- Ensure there is an accessible Press Kit that doesn't require downloading and unzipping. Zip files should be saved for full kits including high res media etc.

-- Grab a copy of Press Kit Lite and start with that. It should help you to refine your pitch to key details. Sharing that will make it more accessible for most streamers, etc and they can then delve further for more information.

Indie Legion Press Kit Lite

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago

I think we will also create a short version, thank you for advise

INDIE LEGIONJam Host3 years ago (1 edit) (+1)

Suggested Tweet edit:

Join Obligor on an epic journey to recover the Unbound Souls of The Spiritus Porta and return them to the Soul Keeper in this next-gen #Metroidvania.

Your actions matter -- across the whole Soul Universe!

Kickstarter launches 1 Nov!

[Kickstarter Link]

#PitchYaPitch

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago(+1)

We going to try this today =) we planned a new one for pitchyagame =) from all the suggestions..

Thank you so much for your time

FeemagieJam Judge3 years ago(+1)

I loved the cover art! It immediately caught my attention! Made the template their own - really stands out among the rest!

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago

Thank you so much Feemagie, appreciated also your content on twitch.. We will update our Presentation and move it to our web page =)

DeadeGuard98Jam Judge3 years ago(+1)

+ Attention caught!
+ Hype building more and more.
+ Sharp visuals. Cool design.

- It feels like a sword has been removed from its sheathe and then it just cuts to black. That's how it seemed to me, from the lack of more info and morsel of gameplay not showcases.

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago(+1)

Thank you so much for feedbacks, we will check the sword issues =)

DeadeGuard98Jam Judge3 years ago

Just in case it's misinterpreted. I meant to say the showing of the clip on Twitter is akin to a sword being removed from the sheathe. BUT THEN- ...................

It abruptly cuts off and so I don't know how to process my feelings/thoughts. I want to learn more about the game but couldn't

Not actually about a literal sword in-game. I bet you have it all under control XD

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago(+1)

We have a weapon system in our game, Obligor has lots of different weapons, which you need to find them. All the weapons have their own special skills.
Which you saw on the Twitter splash is one of the strongest swords in the game. "Sword of the soul" This sword is able to call souls...

DeadeGuard98Jam Judge3 years ago

Just to reiterate my paraphrasing... I was speaking metaphorically!

No reference to any actual swords. Just wanted the pitch to be longer~

:) :D

Margonem AdventuresSubmitted3 years ago(+1)

Really nice use of your arts - short animation in Tweet is really catching attention.

Submitted

Margonem Adventures

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago

Thank you so much =) appreciated for your time

Dire PrismSubmitted3 years ago

I love the feeling in that short video - nice usage of depth.

Like others said - could say more about what the game is about. If you want to keep the teaser quality then just in the text.

Submitted

Treacherous Journeys

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago

Thank you so much, I focus this weekend and write more short details about the game =)

gaming chefHost3 years ago (1 edit) (+1)

Really like the concept art. I would make these slight variations to the tweet changes in (parenthesis)

(#soulpassagegame) story unfolds on November 1st. The big battle for the unbound souls begins with Obligor’s journey.

(put a space here to break up the wording)

(Are you) Ready to join Obligor's fight (?)

Dire PrismSubmitted3 years ago (1 edit) (+1)

I think ready is imperative here but the wording did confuse me at first?

To make it more clear maybe "Ready Yourself "

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago(+1)

Thnk you Chef, Ill seperate them and organize a bit =)

LinaJam JudgeSubmitted3 years ago(+1)

very little info about the game. No need to know when it launches, but it would be good to know what kind of game it is and what's up qith the unbound souls?

Submitted

ozbayemrahDeveloper3 years ago(+1)

Thank you Lina, Ill check and add more about the game =)