A strong opening with an immediate escalation to action that got me pretty excited. In this play through I'm glad I decided to follow the guards in secret. I'm assuming that this story will have quite a few branching narratives and story lines depending on what you choose. I hope you find the time to finish the story. I look forward to reading the completed game!
The way you have opened the story is great. Having been immediate thrusted into conflict was exciting and is especially suited to a retelling of a story like Robin Hood. Your writing is very clear- you do a great job of describing all the moving parts (characters, decisions, side conversations) in a way that was cohesive and thrilling.
Including the choices in the text blocks themselves was powerful- every decision made me feel like an active agent in the story. I can’t wait to see where this game goes!
You've made great progress since the last prototype! I think your integrated choices are strong, and you have really strong narration of the action scenes. The choices seem like they will have a significant impact on the outcome of certain scenes, if not necessarily the entire story. So far, it seems like Robyn and Johan are close, but their relationship will create much more investment when the characters themselves are more fleshed out. Looking forward to seeing where it goes!
This felt really good! Your dialogue is fantastic -- it evokes the speaker's personality really well. I'm excited to see more dialogue from the other characters in the story. The choice structure was very fun too. I liked how you described the situation and incorporated choices into the dialogue. It felt like I was thinking strategically, which is exactly how it seems like this character SHOULD think... basically, all the different elements of the game work together in a really harmonious way. If that makes any sense. Anyway, this was fantastic and I'm excited to see the final version!
I love the way the choices are integrated into the text! It really makes it feel as though they're coming as a result of thinking through what Robyn wants to do.
You set up the characters and the situation really well, through both the choices and the character's dialogue with each other. I think you're going in a really good direction, and I want to know more about what happens as a result of saving the girl!
very intersting idea of using a "think" option to consider what choices to make. Although in my case i thought it was a lot faster to just pick the choice and then rewind if i didnt like it. Maybe disabling the rewind button would have helped? some more incentive to use think would be nice. i like the set up and the characters though-it felt very of the time, and the scene you chose to portray worked great thanks to the choices dictating the action
I liked how the options were embedded in the passages. I really liked the words you used to put some air to the world you were going for. It helped me to put myself in your world better. 'Though short, I liked the atmosphere you were going for and enjoyed the story so far.
I'm not sure how much I'm missing because the twine window gets cut off, but I like the vibe you're going with! The idea of interspersing the choices into the text rather than after it all is really interesting, and the writing is really well done. I can tell you're building a super cool world that I can't wait to explore more of!
Comments
A strong opening with an immediate escalation to action that got me pretty excited. In this play through I'm glad I decided to follow the guards in secret. I'm assuming that this story will have quite a few branching narratives and story lines depending on what you choose. I hope you find the time to finish the story. I look forward to reading the completed game!
-Christine
Hey Lianna!
The way you have opened the story is great. Having been immediate thrusted into conflict was exciting and is especially suited to a retelling of a story like Robin Hood. Your writing is very clear- you do a great job of describing all the moving parts (characters, decisions, side conversations) in a way that was cohesive and thrilling.
Including the choices in the text blocks themselves was powerful- every decision made me feel like an active agent in the story. I can’t wait to see where this game goes!
-Jude
hi lianna!
You've made great progress since the last prototype! I think your integrated choices are strong, and you have really strong narration of the action scenes. The choices seem like they will have a significant impact on the outcome of certain scenes, if not necessarily the entire story. So far, it seems like Robyn and Johan are close, but their relationship will create much more investment when the characters themselves are more fleshed out. Looking forward to seeing where it goes!
-jess
This felt really good! Your dialogue is fantastic -- it evokes the speaker's personality really well. I'm excited to see more dialogue from the other characters in the story. The choice structure was very fun too. I liked how you described the situation and incorporated choices into the dialogue. It felt like I was thinking strategically, which is exactly how it seems like this character SHOULD think... basically, all the different elements of the game work together in a really harmonious way. If that makes any sense. Anyway, this was fantastic and I'm excited to see the final version!
I love the way the choices are integrated into the text! It really makes it feel as though they're coming as a result of thinking through what Robyn wants to do.
You set up the characters and the situation really well, through both the choices and the character's dialogue with each other. I think you're going in a really good direction, and I want to know more about what happens as a result of saving the girl!
very intersting idea of using a "think" option to consider what choices to make. Although in my case i thought it was a lot faster to just pick the choice and then rewind if i didnt like it. Maybe disabling the rewind button would have helped? some more incentive to use think would be nice.
i like the set up and the characters though-it felt very of the time, and the scene you chose to portray worked great thanks to the choices dictating the action
wonderful job!
I liked how the options were embedded in the passages. I really liked the words you used to put some air to the world you were going for. It helped me to put myself in your world better. 'Though short, I liked the atmosphere you were going for and enjoyed the story so far.
I'm not sure how much I'm missing because the twine window gets cut off, but I like the vibe you're going with! The idea of interspersing the choices into the text rather than after it all is really interesting, and the writing is really well done. I can tell you're building a super cool world that I can't wait to explore more of!