Loved to see internal politics and a fractured faction. Great pacing, would have liked to see a little bit of foreshadowing (perhaps mentioning explicitly that the sisters were here due to increased demonic activity). Great stuff!
I see some confusion RE the DAO helping to fight more DAO, I thought the idea of a suprise RL foe was clearly communicated myself. I was absorbed into the narrative, great stuff. I don't fancy the DAO protagonist's chances of getting home though!
Really liked the setup, had a similar feel to the old codex stories that you would find in old 40k codexes (circa 4th ed) . I think either making the whole thing out as a report, maybe having the helmet footage appended or something. Alternatively I think tying the narrative in and making it a bit more personal/emotional would have been nice too. Really enjoyed it, nice to see some varied factions too!
Brilliantly grimdark! I loved the uncertainty of the Gardener's disposition. I think if the perspective could have followed the legionary slightly more to better anchor the piece, but that is me nitpicking and looking for something to critique. Perfectly suited to the format as you are unsure whether the Gardiner is justified in their actions. Well done!
Cool idea, I love the corporate espionage theme and character motivation! I did get a bit confused as to what the protagonist hoped to achieve as they didn't have any means of recording the evidence they sought. As such, it is hard to see what (beyond navigation) they can provide their new ally as they are now covered in gore and stick out like a sore thumb.
I think this could be so epic if you could find the word count to tie up those loose ends! Would love some more.
Great fun, lovely use of fonts to convey the different groups (good, creative way to save on word count) I liked just how over the top the goblins were. They were horrible. Great!
Lovely stuff, really liked the pacing as the fight got underway. I liked the wholesome life lesson learned by Girra, especially after refering to the Radiance Cascade lore as a cool contrasting touchstone, great contrast to the grimdark backdrop.
Lovely stuff, really liked the pacing as the fight got underway. I liked the wholesome life lesson learned by Girra, especially after refering to the Radiance Cascade lore as a cool contrasting touchstone, great contrast to the grimdark backdrop.
