Play Interactive Fiction
SPS Iron Hammer's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| UI Design | #3 | 4.308 | 4.308 |
| Gameplay/Usage of the medium | #4 | 3.923 | 3.923 |
| Overall | #6 | 3.769 | 3.769 |
| Story & Plot | #7 | 3.769 | 3.769 |
| Usage of Theme | #9 | 3.077 | 3.077 |
Ranked from 13 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Team Members
manonamora/manonamora-if
Program
Twine
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
This was one of my favorites so far. I only played through two of the endings, but I definitely felt a bit of story kinship between our two pieces! If you haven't read "Six Wakes" by Mur Lafferty I think you'd really like it.
To start: I thought the UI was killer. I haven't seen anyone mention the Codex yet, but that was a great touch. This had such a solid feel to it, and you should be proud of how you made it look.
I also thought the font choices were great, and the use of the green glow and the animations to show various things was great. Having said that, I did run into some issues on my browser where the choice font looked a bit off - specifically "Y"s didn't seem to render correctly. Image below.
The story was good, and the world-building worked really well for me. I think sometimes the formatting of the dialogue threw me off, and I'd like to see more "he/she/they said" as opposed to only quote tags or other adverbs/verbs.
Finally, there was some bug with the STATS screen. At one point I clicked through and has -7% and 103%. It seemed to occasionally revert to more normal percentages. I loved the idea of being able to track that kind of thing.
But please know I was a big fan of this overall. Very well done!
Oh goodness, Thank you sooo much for all of these compliments! Really happy you enjoyed it!!!
I will def check that you! I've been looking for new stuff to read anyway :P
I've realized about the font issue on the links. I think this is specific to that font more than the coding, cause it seems to be working fine with the other fonts in there. I'll look into a different font to swap with when I look into updating it.
Noted about the dialog. I've been trying to stay away from say/said, since I tend to use it too much, but I think I wen too far :P
For the stats: it's normal. This was the last thing I coded, the update going like just before the deadline. I just wanted to have pretty stats bar that works when picking stuff, but didn't put any thought on the numbers behind it. (the numbers go up or down depending on your choices, but there is a random element between days that influence it as well. It's not weird to getting too many points with one option and going over the line. That should get fixed when I sit down with the game and think of a better rating system.
I think you'll find a lot of established writers recommend that - even if it feels boring - sticking with said is best 90% of the time. I've always found this post (https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/he-said-she-said) particularly instructive on that topic. Don't worry about it too much, I promise!
And totally understood with the ratings system. That kind of thing is tough to implement, so I'm glad you tried and have thoughts on how to rework it.
Oh thanks for the resource! Always looking in way to improve my writing anyway :P
Thank you! Really happy you enjoyed it :)
Yeah I had a similar comment about the ending with Jake. This was the last thing I was working on and I kinda ran out of time. There was a bit more I wanted to do (more actions/decisions). I think I'll try to continue the story later on (after I am done with the next CRWL update)
For the slapping thing, I thought I had fixed it. Was it a scene just after he wakes up, or during day 3?
Oh I see it... There was another one I missed yesterday :/
Thank you!
aight. That should be fixed.
Very interesting premise! I love sci-fi, especially with settings that first appear mysterious and involve A.I.s that potentially operate under dubious morality. My favorite part of this story was actually the start, before we meet Jake. I found those sections were the most interesting and provided a good view into life on the ship. Towards the end, however, things felt a bit rushed and I found myself looking for more answers. That said, writing a story of this length in a month is incredibly difficult, and the fact you wrote as much as you did, alongside coding, is incredible! With a little bit of polish, this story could be incredible!
I did also notice that there were some shifts from second person POV to first person POV that were a bit jarring at times, alongside a few formatting errors (like "/" showing up) and issues where I wasn't able to click choices due to errors (notably occurring down the branch of resisting the voice in the pod and the stasis pod area where you check on the woman who works there). Other than those minor issues, loved the game and found the story quite fascinating! Would love to give it a try again if it's updated in the future.
Thank you! Really glad you enjoyed it.
I do agree with you concerning the last part feeling rushed. It kinda came together in like a week. Even with going through it multiple times, I can see how it would still feel more like a draft. I had actually planned to have more, especially after taking with Jake, but I ran out of time :/ I am currently working on my other big project, but I've been toying with the idea of continuing it.
When you talk about the swtich of POV, is it about the text in italic?
About the errors, on which day did you have issues with the voice in your pod (first, second or both)? And the the one in the stasis pod, was it during your first encounter? Do you have by any chance the error notifications?
No problem!
Ah yeah I feel that - I found myself cutting out parts of my own game due to time restraints. Your game was one of the longest I've read, text-wise, so I definitely understand not being able to finish everything in a month (especially if you're working solo). As for the POV switching, some of it occurred out of the italics which I assumed was either a mistake/formatting problem.
The pod errors persisted regardless of the day I tried to stay in bed - it wasn't giving me the option to continue, and I actually brought up stats a few times in order to progress before it looped me back a few messages. The option it wouldn't let me click on in the stasis area was this: "[[Knock on the door behind which Cenisa locked herself. If you are going to wait, you’d father have a companion.|action][$action = 1][44 -=5]]"
Yeah it's probably some formatting issue then :P I should look into that at some point.
Aight, well the second issue is an easy fix. I'll just reupload the file in a min. The one not letting you go through it a bit more weird. I tested it and it is working just fine on my end (I tried both my file and on itch for mobile). Were you trying to click on the actual text or in the space between the letters/line? If you are on a computer, the link should move to italics before you click on it. If it still doesn't work, can you send me your savefile @ crimsonrosewhitelily@gmail.com so I can take a look?
Actually, I think I figured the second one out - I clicked on the in-text hyperlink (originally thought there was no hyperlink to continue since it was in a different place) and it's working just fine now! Was just a bit difficult to spot due to the text to continue/progress being linked in the actual paragraph, as opposed as a separate option.
Aaaaah I think I see where it is then. Yeah, I should figure out a better way. Maybe adding an arrow icon that does the same thing or something.
Thanks!
Oh yeah that'd definitely help - No problem!
This may be my favorite UI I've seen in the whole jam. The game reminds me of the Paranoia TTRPG.
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it :D
Well, first things first—incredible job with the UI! I love how the animations look like, very immersive.
I like the premise of the story. The writing captures the monotonous life aboard the ship very well, and it actually works with the limited amount of choices and customization for the MC. I wasn't too fond of the constant switching between first and second person, but I kinda got used to it after a while.
I think there was a little too much dialogue near the end though. At that point it's hard for me to connect with the MC since they seem to have a set personality, and I just wanted Jake to get to the point. I think breaking up the dialogue wall with a few more reactionary options, or the MC recalling their life on board, would help a lot with the pacing and make the MC a bit more relatable.
That said, I had quite a bit of fun trying to see every ending! The one with the recording transcript was actually the one that's the most interesting for me (I liked the POV shift a lot), but then there's the ending with Jake which seems to be where the actual cliffhanger is? I don't know how it goes from there, but it didn't really work for me because it was out of the blue—there wasn't any payoff for listening to Jake.
Also some of the earlier endings seem to work against the Jake cliffhanger, since it kinda weakens the reveal from Jake. I think I would've liked it more if those endings were given a cliffhanger treatment too. It's much more fun trying to imagine how PIRI actually deals with you instead. (And maybe I just missed it, but I'm curious to see what happens with the Farm request too.)
Anyway, I'm very much interested to see where you're going with the story if you do plan on continuing! It definitely has a lot of potential. Apologies for the ramble!
Thank you for playing! And the insightful comment!
I can understand the feeling for the end. There was a lot I wanted to include, and maybe I went a bit overboard on the dialog.
I can understand the feeling of that ending with Jake though. Kinda like they planned for a sequel that might not happen, type of deal, right? I thought this could have be enough, but in retrospect I may have missed the mark on that one.
For the endings, some are not supposed to be cannon, some just gives details on the setting. So I understand why you would feel like there seems to be a clash between them and the Jake reveal. I had planned the game to be more like those old school CYOA, where if you pick one specific choice, it just means the end on the game, regardless of the story. Maybe I should put a warning at the beginning?
I don't know just yet if I am going to continue the story or not. But if I do have the bandwith, I might. I have some ideas.