Play game
Dream Planet : Loan Away's itch.io pageType of Submission
Interactive Fiction
Genres
Text-based, Story, Aliens, Dystopia, SF, Novel
Is this a solo jam or a group submission?
Group
Permisions
Yes!
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
I really liked the HTML interface; it was quite well-polished visually. The story and the writing were nice too! Maybe a little bit away from the 'Nautical' theme, in my opinion. I really enjoyed the fact that we could investigate the transaction details of the customer.
I guess the game had to be shortened for the jam, but it would have been very interesting if there were more customers or if the choices had more impact because the ending is the same regardless of what you choose and whichever character you play, am I wrong? I think some music and more UI sounds would make it more immersive too (I heard some sometimes, but it didn't seem very consistent).
Overall, good work! I'm looking forward to updates for your game!
The concept is super cool and I really liked the twist with Bella! That was quite engaging, very nice :)
I really wish to meet more customers and learn more about this world.
The only thing that made me uncomfortable a bit is that my character was sometimes so rude without a reason! I felt so sorry for the person I talked to! I suppose it was intended, and then it was actually credible, just a bit hard to experience :)
Very pleased to try your game!
I liked the writing, the character images, and I thought the overall concept was strange in a good way (i.e. original). The Star Wars style opening was cool. Also, I liked the way you wrote the guide in the style of a corporate manual to new employees.
I'm guessing that that what we've seen is only the first act. I can see a larger story-game developing from this, maybe with more choices (and consequences).
Thank you so so much for your feedback! I'm the writer of the game, Weena.
It was our first game for all of us, so we really did our best.
I wanted players to immerse themselves as Sergey/Roma, so I wrote the guide as a manual for new employees.
Indeed, there were a few more customers at the beginning when I conceived the idea of the story, but I deleted them for some reason. (I really said goodbye, literally 😢) But really, I still have all of this universe in my head and want to develop it further!
As I've said in all of the comments here, it was my first time narrative writing in English, so when I published it, I was seriously worried a lot. Your comment really encouraged me. I truly thank you. I will keep it going and never stop learning and writing! Thank you, really!
Bella Joy. Whoa, that was quite something. I'm assuming there's more to the story, but whatever you have published so far is so full of promise! Immersive writing, well done!
Thank you so much! Yes, precisely. There were supposed to be more customers when I conceived the idea for the story, and I still have them in my brain. (Poor them. I deleted them and said goodbye for real.) It was my first time writing a narrative in English, so for now, I just did my best. But I still have more stories in my head, and I want to study more, work harder, and develop them further.
Honestly, I was really really worried when I published my English writing for the first time, so you never know how much your comment meant to me! I truly appreciate it. I will keep going!
hey... first time making a game, first time writing a narrative in English - all things considered, without a doubt you're talented! Let that universe in your head stay alive, run wild with your imagination, keep writing - everything will get better with time! And it's already so good, you have nothing to worry about.
Weena is a lovely, clever writer with a lot of tricks up her sleeve when it comes to make a text smooth, and I can mention that there were other more interesting clients who were superficially discussed in the process but couldn't be implemented. Honestly, I tried to help with the conversion and feel that I failed because Tom's art is very beautiful, with gentle touch in the original work, and many of Weena's ideas I couldn't implement due to my lack of technical knowledge. Many gameplay elements unfortunately corrupted during synchronization, and I had to start from scratch, unable to put the elements back in the limited time I had left.
I think in the future, someone with skill of Renpy to create the dynamic interface and transitions needed will make it an amazing game. Unfortunately, many barriers came from my inability to capture the vision and transform it into something worthy. For example, the way the portraits are compressed, losing definition, and the text, which was intended to be like a timeline, I also couldn't achieve. My hope is that in the future, the duo can find someone more qualified to bring this idea to life in the right way.
Thank you very much for your comment!
Yes, I did notice - her writing flows for the most part - and even though it looks simple, it sometimes takes a lot of efforts to make writing look effortless! Hey, I am sure you were dealing with a lot of constraints, and if I am not wrong, you had your own game to focus on, which you were painstakingly translating to be able to do justice to your ideas! ( I am still in the middle of that, taking me time to process, I wish I knew Portuguese hehe).
And it was still you who contributed in making this game playable, I have a feeling they're probably just grateful to you! But yes, maybe in the future they can make their ideas shine even more with Ren'py!
Great writing!
Thank you for your comment! This was my first time writing a narrative English, and I was very worried about it. You never know how much your comment meant to me 🥹