Play game
Nihil Obstat's itch.io pageType of Submission
A linear text adventure made in choice script.
Genres
Text-based, singleplayer, visual novel
Is this a solo jam or a group submission?
solo jam
Permisions
Yes
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
You've got a fascinating concept on your hands! I unfortunately did not get to finish your game, but your passion shows in the sheer amount of work you put in! I won't reiterate the critiques you've already received, so all I have to say is keep it up, and I can't wait to see where it goes after the jam!
Thank you very much for dedicating your time to my adventure. 💫 I hope you'll come back when I introduce the expansions with gameplay. 🎆
You are already very aware about how it can be a bit difficult to read and comprehend - so I just wanted to say I was overwhelmed by the level of efforts that has gone into it...suffering even...
The way you comment on certain games shows your potential to be able to simplify profound philosophical ideas in English; and it flows too, so you have it in you!
Ah, but when it comes to concepts grappling with cosmic consciousness and meta-physics where you have imagined a tremendous level of detail....I'm sure it's a completely different story!
There are a lot of parts that I couldn't properly understand, but I do have some comments!
Even though some of the descriptive parts feel too heavy, some of the conversations actually feel organic enough. One part especially stood out; the one where the protagonist asks Atlasia to respond to the comment: The finitudes of existence are meaningless (or something along those lines)...
Atlasia's optimistic response encapsulating the human journey with respect to nature was so well-crafted - that part especially stood out in making me realise; with time and practice, you'd get there!
I hope my positive reinforcement has managed to please you ( in Atlasia's words hehe)
Keep going, you seem to have such a unique perspective to bring to the world, and language barriers can be broken!
Thank you very much for this comment, my friend. 💫 The language barrier is indeed a heavy burden. Sometimes I feel quite embarrassed for needing a lot of time to think of responses or for writing walls of text because my ability to be concise is low. Some days, I feel like giving up and walking away from this world because there are so many barriers that make me question my own abilities. But on other days, there are comments like yours that make me believe that someday, the shame I feel today will be a distant memory on happier days, a moment I'll look back on and be proud of having overcome. Your comment brought a very comforting warmth to my soul. I am very happy that you enjoyed Atlasia and I hope that fate brings you back double the kindness that you spread.🎆
it saddens me to know you feel embarrassed now and then...as a non-native English speaker, please be gentler on yourself! If I were to attempt to write a full-fledged fictional narrative in a language I only know colloquially, I'd struggle so much as well! That too, with the kind of complex themes you've gone for (I think these are themes close to your heart?)
That'd be pain!
You might not always be concise but I have enjoyed reading quite a few of your comments, it shows such a depth in the way you see the world! And your words have intention - I actually hope you'd be more consistently proud!
I made it a point to complete your game because you come across as such a sensitive, considerate and helpful soul - but not just that, the philosophical bent you have resonates with me!
With your sincerity, I'm sure you'll just keep getting better and better with your skills...go for it!
This looks like a world and a story worth exploring!
I haven't finished the game yet, it definitely takes some time to look into every detail, but I'll do my best to do it :)
Maybe just one comment that I'd like to share is to make the text in English simpler or shorter, especially in the beginning. I believe it is easier to dive into a story when it starts slow and gradually becomes more tense and complex :)
Thank you very much for your feedback, time and kindness with the words :) You can be sure that in the future, the words will be more compact and cohesive. A prosperous day to you 💫
Mystical setting. Cosmic concept. Colossal monster antagonist. I enjoyed this story!
I also just want to say I'm impressed that you wrote this whole thing twice, once in Portuguese and then the English translation. That by itself deserves an award. Well done!
Thank you very much for the kind words my friend! 💫 I wish I had your ability to make something as incredible as Dont Rust, definitely my Top 3 of this Jam. I had a lot of fun! Thank you very much for giving me your precious time and I hope it was fun and that you come back in the future when i have uploaded the gameplay modules 🎆
Really unique setting and take on the theme! I didn't have enough time on my break to make it to the end but I found it very compelling to go through. I think a big part of that is that you tell enough to have a feel about the setting but not enough to really understand what is going on. So I wanted to keep going to try and figure out what was happening and what the next steps would be too.
My biggest feedback would be that the use of adjectives was a bit heavy. I had a hard time following the prologue largely due to this, because there were several sentences where all/most of the words had an adjective attached and so each time I hit one, it would give me pause to understand the meaning. I'm also a bit of a slow reader though so that may be more of a me problem than anything else.
Solid entry overall and again, really interesting setting so great job!
It’s not just an impression; it’s a real problem with the type of language I used in Portuguese, which is more sophisticated. I had a lot of trouble translating it into English. Not to mention it was a rushed translation, so many pronouns are wrong, and there are several issues with verb agreement that I didn’t have time to correct—I was 15 minutes short! Haha. This was my first attempt at writing something elaborate in English, and it was a disaster.
I’ve been making an effort to introduce neutral language. I first learned how it works in my native language before applying it in English, and it’s very counter-intuitive because sometimes I have to check the same thing two, three, or even four times. This wasn't too difficult when writing short pieces, but it’s very challenging when expanding it on the scale I did here without having academic-level fluency. Unfortunately, my English is quite colloquial. The language I used here is anything but colloquial.
For example, "Potestade" (which means a high authority, something that exists on a divine plane religiously speaking, or a sovereign authority over something) doesn’t have an equivalent term in English, given the nuances and definitions of power which includes the word "Potestade".. Even though I’m talking about "Potestade," in English, I’d need to figure out what corresponds to that concept. Unfortunately, the English text is currently penalized by my lack of knowledge. :/ Its one of a dozen examples. In the future, I plan to adapt all these concepts into localized language and have conversations with religious people to see how I can fit everything in—not by translating, but by localizing the ideas I conceived.
Thank you so much for your time and i hope you'll come back in a future update when I introduce the gameplay mechanics with the expansions! :D
Honestly, in that case I definitely would not consider it a disaster. The english is actually good enough that I couldn't tell it wasn't your native language. Native english speakers can often over-use adjectives as well so frankly, you did a fantastic job with the translation. I was wondering what potestade meant and figured I had missed something earlier on so that is good to know. Pretty impressive job getting that done as fluidly in english as you did!
You are very kind, my friend! :) Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and the care you put into your words to soothe my soul. I can offer you nothing but this song as a genuine token of my gratitude. It's one of the many songs that doesn't have a worthy translation into English, but the beauty of the music is that its energy reaches us even if the lyrics escape us. Valeu meu parceiro, é tudo nosso, TMJ!
You're welcome! The song sounds very lively and happy too, thanks :)