My last car accident was more of the “Oh… Ok.. I was rear ended.. That happened… OK.. What was the thing to do here? Oh… Look at that.. Homie’s driving off… Well… That just happened.” I think the constraints helped here more than hurt. I only had so much space to get an idea across. someone mentioned this feeling like a joke with the first half being the setup the second half being the punchline. I saw it that way as well. And if I’m being honest, history (especially military history) is like that. Some group of really competent people spend weeks planning a mission, going over every eventuality and possibility when they get on the objective, only to have a cat leaping in one key guys face throw the hole thing sideways. Or, for a more hilarious example, “LEROY JENKINS!!!!”
I’ll remember that moving forward. Personally, I like the parenthesis to break it up some. But i can see where it might throw people some. More experimenting is needed evidently.
Thanks for the insight. I routinely misplace my apostrophes. Especially in “it’s”. As in, “I gave it it’s just deserts.” Not possessive. Conjunction. Gets me every time. I appreciate the feedback and will take it all under advisement. It’s hard getting people to just tell you what you did wrong, like there are feelings that will get hurt that matter more than getting better. Thank you for being honest.
I don’t really go for psyker stuff, but this was interesting nonetheless. Another good “Improvise, adapt, overcome” story with an ending that doesn’t strain the mind with incredulity. Good job.
The only way we grow is through mindful repetition. Creative writing is a tough thing sometimes, even for those with “training” in it. Your brain has to be in it most times, and jump starting that process can be hit or miss. If this was your first attempt at such a thing, it didn’t come across that way. Keep at it. Before long you’ll have grand tales spun that will carry weight and deliver the hammer blows where needed.
Not bad. It’s a very cozy scene, and helps to justify why horses may be used in the technological battlefields of the future (and possibly of today). I kind of disagree with some of his points (I think a CLU might be able to lock onto a Horse, or a person for that matter- especially if they stay still and the range is relatively close), but I take your point that a tank would be easier to target. Damn- ok. Fine. It’s a really good story because it gets you to THINK about something, and if I’m being honest, that’s the hallmark of a good story. Does it make you pause, and think deeply on a subject, and converse with the story as a result. Well done.
Thank you very much. I’m a big Webber fan myself. And Ringo is the friggin man. I still think most stuff in most scifi universes would have a hard day dealing with Iron Mike and his triple nickle.
Was that an artistic retelling of an operating room at the VA? ;) I like the premise. There was another story that dealt with civies in combat zones just trying to survive. I liked how it looked at that piece we never really get into in games and universes like this. Seeing the triage and work to bring wounded soldiers back up to snuff is pretty cool. Good job.
The story was interesting, but I am not exactly sure what happened at the end. I do dig the idea of the Saurian using his own starvation to initiate his salvation. Very cool turnabout.
There’s a lot going on in this story for as short as it has to be for the competition, and that doesn’t help what should be an impactful event. This isn’t to say the story is bad- the opposite actually. I like the idea of mom and dad training their child to live in the world, and the bonds that would arise from such a life. Unfortunately there isn’t enough page space to develop that relationship to give the hammer blow it needs. That being said, I really appreciate the story for what it does, how it flows, and how you allow the protagonist to fail, and rise again stronger and more determined than before. Good job.
Interesting. Many times we don’t get bystanders perspectives in universes like this, but this was a real treat. I wish there were more time to develop the story as I feel there could be a real hit in there. Good job.
You got lots of the lingo down (did you serve by chance?) but the narrative needs work. I like the thrust of the story and where you’re going with it, but there are some elements that need fleshed out. Overall, not a bad story. Fits the theme of grim dark, and the main character makes it work with what he’s got giving you the “creative resources” bit. Needs some editing- which I think you can do before the timer is up. Love the pics of the minis. It’s apparent you do the hobby as the hobby is intended to be done- a fellow gamer after my own heart.
You got lots of the lingo down (did you serve by chance?) but the narrative needs work. I like the thrust of the story and where you’re going with it, but there are some elements that need fleshed out. Overall, not a bad story. Fits the theme of grim dark, and the main character makes it work with what he’s got giving you the “creative resources” bit. Needs some editing- which I think you can do before the timer is up. Love the pics of the minis. It’s apparent you do the hobby as the hobby is intended to be done- a fellow gamer after my own heart.
Not bad. I like the main characters “improvise, adapt, overcome” mentality when faced with insurmountable odds. Seems to play with the concept of “300” alongside the nerdy warrior (and there are a lot of those). Good job.
