Play Short Story
The Problem with Elves's itch.io pageResults
Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
Flow & Clarity | #10 | 3.887 | 4.000 |
Overall | #15 | 3.697 | 3.804 |
Adherence to the Theme | #19 | 3.544 | 3.647 |
Concept & Originality | #20 | 3.659 | 3.765 |
Ranked from 17 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
love the worldbuilding here, i think with another page you would have dove into the eove's relationship a bit more and given a bit more details on the "weapon" in action, loved this bit of story though, drfinitely goves a fun look into a wider world of OPR lore!
A good concept for an unconventional enemy requiring unconventional weapons to defeat, and nicely well-written into the bargain. I always appreciate when writers can slip in worldbuilding in both subtle and convincing ways, and you manage both. The only thing I'd call out is the titular Problem With Elves doesn't seem to have much bearing on the story as a whole; the Archon's people just vanish halfway through and don't do anything at all of note. But overall nicely done with an effective cliffhanger ending.
Yeah, I admit the title was a bit of an afterthought.
'the problem with elves... is there pride'
a enjoyable story though, with some excellent world building
I would have liked a sharper focus on Chianna and less on the Elvish argument- however, I can see the reasoning behind the decisions you made.
I very much liked the story and the world-building (definitely ideas to develop further there), and foreshadowing (if you excuse the pun) of light as a weapon (reference Archimedes Mirror Mythbusters episodes), though it seemed implied the plan was the High Elves (use of the phrase bound to), it seemed more that the executed plan/details was actually Chianna's? If I did not read that wrong, some additional focus there might have strengthened the argument portion and linked the title a bit more if you had additional word count to play with. This would make for a good longer story beat I think, and would like to see more.
I enjoyed reading this story! Below are a few points that especially stood out, suggestions if you were to revise this story, and a couple nitpicks.
What I liked:
Suggestions for a revision
Nit Picks:
Again, I want to emphasize that I enjoyed reading this, suggestions and nitpicks aside. Thank you for sharing this story with us!
Yep, some of those things I was thinking as well. I did have more text about the weapon being actually used, but it just wasn't very exciting or interesting so it went in the bin to stay within the word limit.
Glad you liked the art! ;)