itch.io

Very good!
One nitpick I had though is that I found the modern military terminology a bit at odds with the fantasy setting. For a bit I thought this was about the HDF and the Saurian Starhost. But on the other hand, it does accentuate the differences between the two factions.

Thanks!
Yeah, Vauquelin is meant to be an outsider to the martial culture of the aristocracy, while Garnier is born and raised in it. Perhaps Vauquelin came from a merchant family and had only heard of war from storybooks. Or maybe he was raised outside the Chivalrous Kingdoms, which would explain his knowledge of foreign cultures. Might be fun to expand upon at some point.

I can see what you mean about the first part, but the juxtaposition between the idealized notion of war and the reality of it is the core of the story. And I think this was the easiest way to show it.

[to the tune of 'Bad and Boujee']
My bitch is sharp and shooty, raidin' worlds with the booty

Such cruelty, very good!

I might be mistaken, but could it be that you meant 'slavering' or 'slobbering' instead of 'slathering' when describing the mount?

Yeah, I admit the title was a bit of an afterthought.

Yep, some of those things I was thinking as well. I did have more text about the weapon being actually used, but it just wasn't very exciting or interesting so it went in the bin to stay within the word limit.

Glad you liked the art! ;)

Very good!

One thing though, and this didn't affect my rating, but the horse/hoarse typo in the climactic passage was rather unfortunate.

Yeah, I think next time I'm going to try to put the text into the template at an earlier point in the process, to better get a feel on how it'll look and read in the end.

Thanks. Yeah, there's probably a bunch of mistakes I didn't really have any time to do revisions. I might go back to it after the voting is over.

I also assumed the first one, but yeah it's not 100% clear.

I'm also assuming you discard them from you draw pile directly or else it's not much use. And you can probably only use each divine power once per round.

Interesting that you don't measure distances, what's the thought process behind it?

Also is it right that adjacent units fight every turn (not just their own activation), wouldn't that greatly benefit melee units over smiters?

ha! yeah, I just read your submission. Great minds think alike, I guess. A to your questions, yeah you're right those are mistakes.

So the idea is that you only get limited glory points when your Named Fighters survive. This means simply getting a lot kills is not enough and getting killed can be a positive,

Also when your Carrion routs it becomes an opportunity for more points because you can kill them yourself.

I used the word mutter just because Gabino is speaking in a low voice (he's standing right over Eskiera, and is rather tired himself). I could've used 'whisper' but that would imply he's hiding something, which is not the case. The word 'sigh' would've worked, but I already used it in another part of the text.
The humans know the elf as 'Shrike', although they suspect it's a fake name. Shrike may or may not conform to (human) gender norms, but mostly it's just another aspect of their identity the humans are not aware of. So they refer to Shrike with singular they pronouns for lack of another option.
I'll look into the paragraphs! This is my forst time writing in this format.

Clever! I wonder what might have led a barrow wight to a life on the sea?

Something to consider, especially in very short stories like these, is to only weave in details about the characters' appearance when most relevant. You want to get into the core of the story as soon as possible, going over too much detail beforehand can hinder that.

That sure is grimdark! I especially liked Melissa King, it's good to have refugees that aren't just passive and faceless.

One note, and I could very well be wrong about this, but wouldn't the ship stop rumbling as it left atmosphere? I imagine there's little turbulence in the void of space.

Thanks! But that wasn't necessarily what I had in mind when I wrote that line. What I wanted to convey was that, firstly, Eskiera's magic is subtle and protective in nature, and secondly, that the battle was chaotic (without going in to too much detail). The phrase was just a way to connect those two. In general, I tend to move away from the "Order=Good, Chaos=Evil" thing, it's a bit limiting. In some ways the story is about that: the outcasts are good even though they're labelled chaotic by society. The Tyrants are bad even though they exemplify order. Now, I could say the line about Eskiera's magic was a deliberate point about how Order/Chaos is a false dichotomy or whatever, but I wasn't really thinking about it when I wrote it!

I see, that makes sense. Though, I don't think I'll take a hook from Chameleon I got at character creation. I figured my Infiltrator had this mod for some time before the start of out adventure, and because it is early in the campaign I'd rather focus on my relationship with the rest of the crew.

You start with three hooks.  And then there are multiple moves that suggest you take new hooks. Are these meant to be additional hooks, or replacements of existing hooks? The Cliffhanger move suggest you always have three hooks, which seems reasonable from a balance point of view. But the wording on the modifications suggest that you must take a hook related to it, which seems a bit harsh.

So, can you have more than thee hooks or does that spoil the B.R.o.t.H.?

Probably not. I'm glad you like the game but I'm kind of done with it. I got other things I'm more excited with.

I always tested in fullscreen I guess. I'll see if I can make the default bigger.