Liked the story and characters, with the difference in tone from the writing itself and the protagonist at the end a nice surprise! Had to struggle thinking afterwards how much it adhered to the theme, though
Play book
Rise of the Silver Knights - OPR Writing Jam #6's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concept & Originality | #10 | 4.190 | 4.190 |
| Flow & Clarity | #23 | 3.429 | 3.429 |
| Overall | #24 | 3.524 | 3.524 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #29 | 2.952 | 2.952 |
Ranked from 21 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
I think it was a bit confusing juggling the different perspectives alongside the flow of the story, but the twist was one of the best that I've seen so far! A great demonstration of how one's perspective shapes their depiction of the world.
Submitted
Pondering on SoftscalesI loved the very humorous rug pull in the second half, but I can't help but stay confused about how well it adheres to the theme.
Submitted
Shots FiredI loved your brilliant subversion of the usual language and imagery of fantasy stories to support your exploration of the theme. The first half, from the perspective of the Silver Knights' founder, was very well done; you paced things perfectly and kept the tension rising at a very steady, very satisfying rate. I think the story would benefit if it had kept going in that mood and viewpoint instead of switching to the perspective of the Knights' enemies - either that, or if you had chosen a similarly knightly narrator for the giants' faction, rather than a commoner, and kept going with the same poetic language to really play up the contrast between the two perspectives. Either way would have strengthened it, but as it is the story is still a nicely-written and evocative work!
Grimdark will do that LOL, as for clarity it was generally very good (translating is always inexact) and easy to follow. With online resources such as Grammarly or similar tools you might consider for any tightening you think you need.
Submitted
Are We the Bad Guys?Thank you, and thanks for the tip. I didn't know what "tightening" meant regarding text, but I've looked into it and get what you mean. In German, I tend to overly complicate descriptions because it kinda sounds stale otherwise, English has a lot more short and interesting adjectives, I'll try to keep that in mind next time.
Amazing twist held back by some really messy editing. Given the time constraint, totally understandable. Made me smile a ton when I got to the end.
Submitted
Record of Mourndrift WarThank you for the nice comment😁 The original idea was a lot more silly and fun but it got "grimdarked" a little while writing it, so it's good to see it was still smile-worthy. Not to bother you, but can you tell me how I can improve the editing issue? I'm not a native speaker so it's really hard to figure that out on my own😅
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