I narrated your short here;
Play book
Class Warfare's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Overall | #17 | 3.694 | 3.694 |
| Flow & Clarity | #20 | 3.583 | 3.583 |
| Concepts & Originality | #23 | 3.833 | 3.833 |
| Adherence to Theme | #26 | 3.667 | 3.667 |
Ranked from 24 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
Pretty much the same praises, great characterization and voice, and the same critiques, Deus Ex Machina and a lack of foreshadowing. Altogether though a really stand out story and one of the best I've read thus far. You have a piece of fiction to be proud of for sure.
Submitted
Of Knights and RatsThis seems like a much more likely alliance logically speaking, but I still rated this yarn highly. Seeing some snobby silver spoon Elves get theirs from the commoners they abandoned to the servants they sought to destroy just says it all. Thanks. More please.
Submitted
Bitter Rain - OPR Story Jam #9In retrospect I totally see what you mean about the factions themselves being logical allies when you look at the fluff, even if there probably are robot legions and DER kabals who don't trust each other. Scales of grey, right? I'd hoped the idea of the Elven noble superiority might play up the idea of the upper class thinking it would be unlikely that the lower classes would actually band together--playing in to class power coming partially from pitting those lower than your own against each other.
I think you could have done with less characters the Avenger and having an extra Dark Elf really muddled who was who especially if you don't have the army lists memorized.
Submitted
Prayers Among MetalI liked the portrayal of the High seer as a character and the ambience of the story.
The flesh-eater really came out of nowhere and felt a little "D. ex-machina". It might be fitting though, as it mirrors the surprise of the mawed down elves ;)
Maybe a hint or two in foreboding about the existence of the flesh-eaters on the planet would go a long way.
All in all I liked the story and it made me think about Eoin Colfer's writing style in the "Artemis Fowl" series.
Submitted
SnowdropThat's a fantastic point, I got wrapped up in the avatar core bit and just dropping something about "odd energy signatures" while the elves were "extended too far to turn back" or something like that would have done a world of good. Thanks a ton!
Also that's two people saying it has an Artemis Fowl feel and I never read the books XD
Making the alliance between two antagonists (and making the dark elves seem like the more reasonable faction) was an interesting subversion of the trope.
Glad you made it in. This is definitely one of the better submissions I've read.
Submitted
Memory of Stone
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