I liked the characters and world building of your story. The depth you were able to achieve in so few words is very impressive. Even though the "allies" didn't team up officially till the end, the theme permeated the whole story thanks to the ancestor council in the first half of the story. If I had to point out a negative, I'd say the ending felt a bit abrupt. It was still good and understandable given the word limit. The large black line on the paper to separate the two scenes helped it a bunch. All in all a wonderful read, thank you.
Play book
Memory of Stone's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #30 | 3.231 | 3.231 |
| Adherence to Theme | #36 | 3.385 | 3.385 |
| Overall | #37 | 3.308 | 3.308 |
| Concepts & Originality | #42 | 3.308 | 3.308 |
Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
This was a wonderful read. I find the stories that let us see the world of a single character to be much more investing and interesting then one that turn the single person(or thing) into a statistic.
The good
this was a heart felt story that showed a lot of heritage and built a lot of lore with very little.
Honestly I think that is the highest compliment I can give you.
The only thing I would add as a consideration, and it might be just me, but I wasn’t sure that it was another guild(as I saw in the comments) I thought it was the battle brothers. At first I thought it was the orcs. So I was not clear on who the old enemies now ally's were.
Honestly thou I think that the story works no matter who you think the ally is(and again it could just be me)
Thanks!
So much fighty competence involved. Die hard Dwarfs, Awesome Orcs and the ilk of War. Orbit must be a right mess. Maybe the Orcs can get some decent security contracts with the beards.
Submitted
Bitter Rain - OPR Story Jam #9One if the best I have read. I like the way you made allies of two rival clans rsther than the obvious two rival factions. I like your language flavor. Well done.
Submitted
All That GlittersI really liked the writing style! Great read. The last part feels a bit disconnected, but overall this is nothing short of great.
Submitted
A Brothers TrustThat's a fair note. I was experimenting with using strict first person, and wanted to take advantage of the ability to address the reader directly. In narrative, that was supposed to be the Guild Leader reporting to the other Dwarven Guilds, but I did a bad job of exposing that to anyone who isn't already in my head ;-
There is some nice world building here and deeper concepts laid which within the writing constraints is quite well done (I will avoid making comments about it being a great example of a short story 😬)
Submitted
Their Imaginary Friends
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