Very cool :)
KiteLight
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Very, very good. I enjoyed the themes you chose and the characters. The description of how the hole in the roof came to be, had me laughing out loud. :D
The only thing I would have liked to know is why the orc blasted into the room in the first place (his original purpose before encountering the fight). :)
A nice twist on the conceptions other factions have about the ratmen. I really liked the story and you managed very well to give both protagonists personality.
A heads up about the time of day:
In the first paragraph "he lay under the moon’s gentle glow" and in the middle of the story "It was nighttime by the end, [of the fight]".
Was it night all the time or was it evening in the beginning?
It's fucking amazing! I like the humor very much.
I got confused by the "neutral gender" of the orc and thought there were two orcs in the cell ^^
Also, was the orc in quarrel over strategies with the outpost leader? Which position in the outpospt did the orc have to get into strategic quarrel? Or was he just going waaaaghh because orc's do so?
Pls. more stories! :)
It's a realistic military story and it feels like the atmosphere is sound and tight (so very good!).
The at first deliquent Donighue becomes brave very suddenly when shtf ^^
The moment were Brookes throws himself behind the nearest tree to get out of harms way, played vividly in my "theatre of mind" (nice).
I'm looking forward to reading more from you.
I liked the portrayal of the High seer as a character and the ambience of the story.
The flesh-eater really came out of nowhere and felt a little "D. ex-machina". It might be fitting though, as it mirrors the surprise of the mawed down elves ;)
Maybe a hint or two in foreboding about the existence of the flesh-eaters on the planet would go a long way.
All in all I liked the story and it made me think about Eoin Colfer's writing style in the "Artemis Fowl" series.
I really, really like the story. The presented themes are captured very well and the two main characters are convincing.
I had a little problems finding my bearing within the first paragraph, as I didn't immediately understood who was fighting whom and on which scale (ammount of ships involved).
After I found my bearings the story impressed me!
The last part of the third chapter gives me strong politics-thriller vibes in a good way.
The story is written in an interesting style, but i had problems to find my bearings in the story until the third paragraph (were the jailed dwarf gets fed by the tube). This might be fitting though, as it mirrors the disorientation the dwarf suffers from his captivity ;)
I didn't get as much a connection to the main character (the dwarf) as I would have liked. I feel that I don't know much about him exept for him beeing a soldier. What are his hopes, what drives him? Does he see a future beyond his captivity, before becoming entangled in the warlords plans?
On the other hand It felt very easy to connect to the Warlord, as his aspirations are layed out cristal clear. Also he becomes likable because he wants to overthrow a (presumed) tyrant, making the reader nearly forget how he treated his captives in the first chapter.
I hope to read more of you in the future :)