Play book
The Hunt's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #7 | 4.043 | 4.043 |
| Overall | #11 | 3.870 | 3.870 |
| Flow & Clarity | #16 | 3.652 | 3.652 |
| Concepts & Originality | #18 | 3.913 | 3.913 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
Hi. I enjoyed the story, world building and ending. I get people's different views on it, and your response.
If anything, I think cutting the first paragraph opening, and starting from the orc seeing the smoke trail would have been a good option/technique of how characters are slowly revealed; ellowin introducing himself to grog instead of the writer to the reader. Then you could have had more word count for other bits that you mention. Just a thought, not criticism, for future jams or similar. :)
Your right. I wonder how much that intro really adds to the story.
I think perhaps the word count could have been better spent on dialogue. I think that's the real challenge of this game, where to "invest" your wordcount for maximum effect.
Aw, even if the encounter was somehow manufactured, I hope they became real friends in the end. That's my headcanon, anyway. I liked the worldbuilding of terms like Leaf Ear and thought the descriptions were vivid, too.
They did. In the extended version Ellowin realizes that he genuinely likes Grog, and it's not manipulation if the friendship is real.
I'd like to see the guys go on a road trip with more dialogue next time <LOL>.
Maybe I’m in the minority, but I enjoyed the twist ending. I could see it become more of a true friendship if it were a longer story. You can only do so much with a single page.
Yeah, surprising how tight 1k is. But that's what makes the game fun.
I liked the story (the homonym issues aren’t a distraction as time to edit would have sorted that and your intent was clear). Reading the comments below I think the problem about the ending is maybe the plant trap - neither the establishment of a reason that the orc (a very articulate take which is different) would intercede that the elf could know about was made to the reader (helping others gets him a boon on his ritual hunt maybe, he had always been chastised by his clan for being the nice orc, etc…) nor enough of a reason that the elf would have been willing to put their life in danger even for to help sell the NEED of the desired alliance (all the Elf forces would die without help, etc…). If the trap was more minor then it being faked might have softened the ending, or the ending pushed the point home that the elf’s life was worth the risk due to even greater gain. It feels like a minor quibble and I did enjoy the read so I hope this isn’t taken as being too critical.
I wanted to get away from 40k Orks so went more with Shamanistic Orcs from World of Warcraft, which are pretty articulate but are shamanistic with a warrior culture. They might be big mean and green, but deep down they're just people. I'm not sure how OPR will go with their Lore but I think that some differentiation with 40k would probably be a good idea. For instance the Rate Men of Grimdark Future are totally different!
Ellowin getting eaten was not part of his plan, and I just thought it would make for a more interesting meeting. As for Grog's motivation for lettings him out, it really wasn't much bother for him to save someones life so why not. That and Grog's been tracking solo for two weeks and he's a bit of a talker <LOL>.
I would have cut the ending, it just felt really out of place and cheapened the story I feel. It went from being unlikely to manufactured allies. Also, the same issue with my story the scope of the story was entirely too large for 1000 words.
Yeah, it was surprising how fast the 1k word limit got used up .
The meeting may have been manufactured, but that doesn't mean the friendship isn't. It leads to a fun duality of both Grog and Ellowin becoming allies in their respective tasks and then the Orcs and the Elves become allies. So you get a double whammy of the theme <LOL>. Same with "The Hunt". Gorg hunts the great beast while Ellowin hunts friends and allies.
I would have cut the ending, it just felt really out of place and cheapened the story I feel. It went from being unlikely to manufactured allies. Also, the same issue with my story the scope of the story was entirely too large for 1000 words.
I don't love the ending. It seems to come out of nowhere, and it implies a frankly insane level of foresight. If you're able to engineer that encounter, you're definitely beyond the point of needing the orc's help.
Getting eaten by the plant was not part of the plan. Just crash landing near Grog. On the intro it says that the engines were shut down, not that they were damaged in anyway. Of course that's only supposed to make sense after the fact.
But I understand. I thought some people might not like the ending because of the implications but I wanted to do something with a bit of a twist. As for why the Elves need the Orcs, it relates to the official High Elf lore. They form alliances with different Orc tribes to get them to fight other tribes so the Orcs are too busy fighting each other to pose a real threat to the Elves, in the way they later do to the Dwarf Guilds.
Sneaky goddamn Elvses. I wonder if the Orc tribe have the ability to craft universal translators out of rock, dirt and spit, or if the Elf had one. Or maybe one or the other learned the other's language somehow... Or its like Star Trek wherever they land everyone knows Galactic Standard English. Heh.
I assumed it was a Trek Style universal translator, as that's the easiest to skip over in such a short story. I think I was spot on 1,000 words.
I read one short where someone said there was a Barter Language. I really like that idea, much more than copying common from D&D. In future I'd probably use that. Perhaps we should get together and agree on these smaller world building points on discord or something one day?
Not a complaint, just an observation. A very common thing that gets swept under the rug in stories just so two different star faring or fantasy species can understand each other. May hit you up in discord about other stuff.
Oh, I enjoyed your comment. It's something I was thinking about after reading the others. I am a huge Sci-Fi nerd and love talking about this stuff! :D
As is common with many stories submitted in this jam, this story needed more space so things could breathe.
A second draft would’ve helped some too, as there were some grammar and spelling errors throughout.
Despite that, I had a really good time. Great story to start off with, nice twist at the end, and exquisite artwork.
Thanks for the feedback.
I checked through it a few times, it's written in American English but there shouldn't be any spelling errors? :o
I'm really glad you liked the twist. I was afraid people would think it was weird. <LOL>
All mess ups are homonyms.
Steal instead of steel, pray instead of prey, etc.
Technically spelling, but it’s something spellcheck can’t catch.
Homonyms are annoying like that.
Thanks. That's how they slipped through the spell checker.
I'm really sorry about that. That's really stupid of me. That's a bit embarrassing :")
Thanks for pointing it out. I'm really going to have to watch that next time.
Oh, no worries.
I got called out in my story for a confusing use of the word “beings”.
We all can improve; that’s why we enjoy these events!
The elf-orc dynamic is a good idea, I would have liked to see more contrast and tension between the two though. They just seemed to politely get along.
Originally there were more refences to their differences but had to cut it.
Same with the dialogue.
I wanted to run them as a buddy cop duo. I could see them being a fun pair, Grog the funny guy to Ellowin's straight man, like a lethal weapon duo. I can see Ellowin saying "I'm too old for this." I planned out some dialogue but sadly I had to cut almost all of it out! The 1k word limit is tough, but it's what makes the game fun. The last line of dialogue was the only piece of witty conversation I got to include but at least it's something.
Dang. It sounds like the word limit was a challenge. I think it might've been worth sacrificing some of the setup exposition for more characterization and/or dialogue. Maybe next time!
I did consider dropping the beginning part, but I felt like without that the twist ending seemed too out of left field. And I kind of wanted to finish on a twist so I decided to keep it in.