itch.io

1. If you mean the "don't go in here" room I was overwhelmed as I think I should be, it feels like what you see when you mess around too much with the debug mode in a janky game (which I love)

2. I think the dual colors of text is a really good way of separating different inner speakers. However, there was at least one point where I was confused because I was naturally looking left because that's how I read, but the text on the left was supposed to come after the text on the right. It wasn't confusing but it's just a tad bit jarring for like 0.2f seconds

3. The layout is pretty good but there are a few times where you have to walk around a wall without any indication that I got stuck on (for just a few seconds). I'm not sure if there's a design reasoning behind this; it more just seems like a way to separate passages? It's a little confusing, though, because when I play the game I don't see the text as objects with colliders as much as just floating text that paints a picture. Also, when there's stairs, it's a little confusing that the text reads bottom to top. I understand why, but maybe have it that the text on a step isn't revealed until you jump onto it? Just food for thought

I love the concept though and it is really unique! Excited to see where this one goes

The story made me feel like terrible things were happening to me that are out of my control, like I'm being haunted by some supernatural force that doesn't want me to attend class. I think the music is fittingly spooky but while I like the black and white visual style, I found the mc and professor looked a little similar. With this art style, I think there can be some more variety in this sort of exaggerated character design. I thought the choices were natural but I think maybe a choice to check my alarm on my phone to see if it went off might be good also? Idk tho. I expect it to either actually be some supernatural entity messing with me or it was actually just my own fatigue and lack of motivation all along.

Howdy partner! This has expanded a lot since my last playthrough, and all for the better! I like the conversation at work a lot, as the way I responded to my boss felt to me like that was what shaped my protagonist the most. All the dialogue was really well done! Also "someone inserted himself into your wife" made me laugh more than anything else I've read today. The fact that it rhymes with the previous line makes it all the more wonderful. I think I might've gotten to a premature ending, but I saw your note at the bottom about the errors, so that's all fine and dandy. You've done a really good job of transporting the player to this foreign culture, and I really enjoyed the world, character dynamics, and dialogue! Great job!

I like the way that you use Liu's inner monologue to cue the player into how favorable Sima is to them. It does a good job of tutorializing the good and bad choices of the game without explicitly telling the player. I also love that there's a lot of important consequences to my choices, like characters around me dying as I try to seek out my own path. Of all the games I've played so far in this class, your choices seem to have some of the most drastic effects and emotional resonance, especially the first time someone died because of me (it was Xi in my playthrough). I love these consequences. They truly made me happy, mad, and sad. One minor detail is that there was a point that was a little unclear, when I was asked if I would postpone returning. Because the question was on the previous passage, I forgot what "yes" and "no" meant because the question was a little counterintuitive, where I thought "yes" meant return and "no" meant don't return. It wasn't a big deal because I went back after I realized I messed up my choice, but I think it would be good to make it a little clearer as to what I was choosing. Overall, super cool! I think one of the big things that a lot of us talked about in discussion sections was having actions have consequences, and my actions really had some big consequences in this one. I really enjoyed that. Btw, you taught me a new word today: enfeoff. And they said educational games are boring.

You've built a really nice atmosphere with this one! It feels kinda like a black mirror episode, which is really interesting. I can pretty vividly picture the setting of this story, which is always difficult with a twine. Good job on that front. I will say that sometimes, it is a little weird that the links that just progress the text forward are at the beginning of a paragraph, because when I see a link, I want to press it, but I also want to know what's going on, so I end up reading the paragraph and then going back up to advance the text. It's a super minor detail, though, and it doesn't detract from the experience at all. I really like the overall plot arch, and I'm glad it has an open-ended ending. You do a really good job of simulating a day in the life in this much more vast world, kinda like the movie Dredd. Overall, it's a really interesting direction to go and I'm glad I was along for the ride! P.S. I found you out.

Nope, the Lord was only naked after your romantic encounter with him :)

Ok. Straight off the bat, the idea of Gatsby being a frat boy is just so immensely funny to me and I have no idea why. Also "New Yorkers really are built different." There's some great lines in here. I like most of the choices, and think it has a pretty good sense of forward momentum. And simulating walking around the party was nice too. Luckily, I'm familiar with The Great Gatsby and I think you do a good job of adapting it while also modernizing the setting. I'm very interested to see where this love story goes and if the ending will be any similar to the original, because if it is, this might be more powerful than the book. Great work!

I'm not sure how much I'm missing because the twine window gets cut off, but I like the vibe you're going with! The idea of interspersing the choices into the text rather than after it all is really interesting, and the writing is really well done. I can tell you're building a super cool world that I can't wait to explore more of!

I really like all the meta effects of the text of the game! You introduce them at a great pace, such so that I was never lost when trying to "solve" one of the text puzzles. I especially like the dialogue between you and the first calendar, but all the writing is very funny and I like the sense of humor. You do a really great job of evoking a surreal atmosphere, and though I've never read The Little Prince myself, I have no doubt that you evoke the ideas of it with great skill. Overall, you did a great job with this adaptation.

I really like the pacing of the story in regards to the frequency of choices! I think the amount of choices is great. They really made me feel as if I was expressing myself as the character without drastically changing the story too much. I do feel as if the choices are changing my personality, and thus how I react to larger parts of the story down the line. Like I said earlier, there is a lot of text, but it's really nice that the choices, even if somewhat innocuous, break up large blocks of it. Overall, this is looking really good!

After playing through the rest of the game, one general piece of feedback I would give is to insert a few more choices/interactivity even when they wouldn't affect the outcome. For example, when Alice is talking to the rabbit and it says she tries to interrupt him, you should let the player choose something to say to interrupt but the rabbit just continues monologuing. Additionally, having a little more agency would make it more impactful when that agency is taken away, such as when Adelaide is in the sky.

I think Adelaide's character gains more depth as the story goes on, she seems like a somewhat reluctant, somewhat sarcastic protagonist. I still think the ending has to do with identity/its suppression, and I like all the NPCs, they really add to a cool, intriguing mood!

FYI: I don't know if I got to the end or if the prototype has an error. The last line I got to was " [[The Butterfly told me to come find you."' ->First time being called Alice]] " so if there's anything past that, none of what I say applies to that.

I would describe the protagonist so far as somewhat passive. She's maybe a little jaded (I like the part when she's like yeah, if there's a butterfly man then a moving mirror isn't that far-fetched) but because I only made one choice and the bulk of the dialogue is spoken by NPCs, I don't have a super clear understanding of Alice's character. However, that is kind of in line with the book itself, so it makes sense. If you want her to be more of a predefined character, though, a little bit more dialogue and even a little internal monologue could go a long way.

As to the ending, I have no idea other than the fact that it might be some kind of coma that she's in (hence the head injury)? Perhaps her conflict is that she is tired of her everyday life, and the mirror will be a reminder of who she really is and an invitation to find the joy in the little things?

It's definitely got the surreal vibe of the book with its descriptions of the characters and locations. I do think that the characters could have some more whimsical/differentiated dialogue. I only met two characters, and while the rabbit is very distinctive and interesting, the butterfly feels more like a vehicle for exposition.

I like the direction it's going in and I love the book, so I think you're doing a great job so far! Personally, I would like a little bit less front-loading of exposition. Instead of the butterfly outlining the quest and world, I think a more piecemeal approach to setting up everything would break the long blocks of non-interactivity and add to the surreal flavor that makes the original so good.

Hey guys, Todd Howard here. This is just an early version of my game so there will be a lot more content to come. I'd like to ask you a few questions:
1. Is the protagonist consistent/acts in line with your perception of him?
2. Are there any choices that you would've wanted to make but that were not options?
3. How is the pacing? Obviously this is but a small slice in the overall story, but how is the rate of progression?