I enjoyed how in this story the portrait both to antagonizes Dorian by displaying to him an idealized version of himself that he can never live up to, and that he can never live up, while also encouraging him to pursue his true desires in life. You also did a good job showing just how much Dorian was starting to crumble under of the expectations demanded of him while he struggles to find any sort of joy from his mundane routines.
The only feedback I have is that Sir Henry's foreboding that Dorian's actions will eventually have consequences only sort-of applies here. In this version of Dorian Gray, the painting seems to have a mind of it's own and is an extension of Basil's own desire to mold Dorian into a man he wants. In this case, how much autonomy does Dorian really have? Especially if restraint from acting on his worse impulses could lead to punishment?
Keep up the good work! My final parting words is to change the keysmash text to 'You have been diagnosed with Gay'.
Your voice is so strong, and it paints such a fascinating picture of this world (pun intended!) I love how sassy Dorian is- I felt very much like I /was/ him, and I thought all the different choices and reactions were enjoyable to explore. The different allusions to painting and through allegory and metaphor really served well to build up to the final moment of the game.
The story itself was paced well, but I felt that the way it was structurally conveyed through twine came across as a bit repetitive- I think varying the text, choice placement, and breaking up text blocks would accentuate the writing and add some visual excitement . The use of red text was a great example of this.
I honestly don’t know much about Dorian Gray, but playing this game really makes me want to check it out! Great job!
Really enjoyed this interpretation of Dorian Gray — as I've said before, you clearly have a very good handle on the character and how you want to portray him. The red text was a good, clear way to portray the painting's influence over the POV character as well — however, I'd recommend a different approach for the red nonsense text beneath the hyperlinked choices, mostly because it looks like a keysmash right now, which is slightly goofy to look at and undercuts the sort of light horror elements you're going for. Using some vague symbols or unusual characters there instead would probably be more successful in achieving that (even if it's a bit derivative). Part of me also wondered why brothels and opium dens were framed as overtly outlandish to Dorian when the suggestion arises — he describes his apathy as so overwhelming that I would expect those to be only mildly risque to him. The later murder also makes sense in the light of his descent into madness, but felt a bit rushed to me. As it appears to be the most horrific thing that occurs, I'd like to spend a bit more time exploring it!
Super engaging characters! I enjoyed interacting with your world (first with dialogue, then with Dorian's inner thoughts) and I could feel him spiraling into insanity as his thoughts became more fragmented. If you want to continue working on this: I think there's certain parts at the beginning that still feel exposition-y, and could be cut down just a tiny bit more. Towards the end, I think you struck a great balance of what details are most impactful to describe (great character description and painting metaphors).
I'm back and better than ever! I like how you were able to give a good amount of info despite how short your passages were! It's nice to see how we're able to see relationships with other characters and even sense some tension between them! One thing I will say is that you should have brought more attention to the evil voice earlier on. When I first saw it I thought your colored the line after slamming your fingers on the keyboard or it was a choice I didn't unlock because of my choices, but it turned out to be the voice!
Just one question though, was the Lord naked when we arrived to his loft?!
very fun ride to go on and explore-i really like the descend into madness the fella goes to, especially with the faux dating novel elements in which you can kinda pick a person to be with. i chose sybil because i am not into men sorry
i wish it was a bit more descriptive though! a lot of the times when i go to kill somone it just says I picked up the knife or whatnot. Get more into detail! just not with the sex part, actually.
Wow, what a ride! This was really fascinating to read. First of all, I love how expressive your characters are, especially the protagonist. I appreciated the expressive dialogue choices a lot; they were rich and interesting and I got to play Dorian like a total jerk, which was fun. The story's overall pacing is also pretty spot-on. It feels like the narrative spirals out of control, which reflects the main character's gradual decline toward insanity. I really can't think of anything to critique off the top of my head. Fantastic story!! Loved it!!!
I liked the clear writing and straightforward expressions. I like the various dialogue choices you gave as I liked to troll when I play this kind of games. Because of that I really liked it lol. I also liked how each passage was nicely kept and simple. It was easy to understand and didn't feel overwhelmed playing it. I enjoyed playing it!
(Sorry if these comments are a little haphazard; I wrote them as I was playing!)
I loved the introduction! It felt like an opening cutscene, or a film scene that plays before you see the movie title.
Your writing is clear and expressive, as is the conversations! Dorian’s personality comes through in both the dialogue choices and the exposition - a personality that seems to be short on patience, confident, and vain - though in some instances, some of the language used feels a little more modern than in others.
Some bits of exposition felt a little bit long, though I liked that they gave me the feeling that I was reading Dorian's thoughts. Maybe integrating those thoughts while talking about Dorian making a facial expression or moving about the room or something might help it to feel more unified.
I was a little confused at how Dorian was wondering about disappointing Basil, while the latter had smiled when he went to dance with Henry.
I knew something was going to happen with the painting, but I wasn’t expecting that ending! It felt powerful, though it did feel a little sudden. I'm not sure if I caught on earlier in the story about the painting being a literal reflection of Dorian - or vice versa? - but once I did, it made sense!
Comments
I enjoyed how in this story the portrait both to antagonizes Dorian by displaying to him an idealized version of himself that he can never live up to, and that he can never live up, while also encouraging him to pursue his true desires in life. You also did a good job showing just how much Dorian was starting to crumble under of the expectations demanded of him while he struggles to find any sort of joy from his mundane routines.
The only feedback I have is that Sir Henry's foreboding that Dorian's actions will eventually have consequences only sort-of applies here. In this version of Dorian Gray, the painting seems to have a mind of it's own and is an extension of Basil's own desire to mold Dorian into a man he wants. In this case, how much autonomy does Dorian really have? Especially if restraint from acting on his worse impulses could lead to punishment?
Keep up the good work!
My final parting words is to change the keysmash text to 'You have been diagnosed with Gay'.
-Christine
Hey Wesley!
Your voice is so strong, and it paints such a fascinating picture of this world (pun intended!) I love how sassy Dorian is- I felt very much like I /was/ him, and I thought all the different choices and reactions were enjoyable to explore. The different allusions to painting and through allegory and metaphor really served well to build up to the final moment of the game.
The story itself was paced well, but I felt that the way it was structurally conveyed through twine came across as a bit repetitive- I think varying the text, choice placement, and breaking up text blocks would accentuate the writing and add some visual excitement . The use of red text was a great example of this.
I honestly don’t know much about Dorian Gray, but playing this game really makes me want to check it out! Great job!
-Jude
hi wesley!
Really enjoyed this interpretation of Dorian Gray — as I've said before, you clearly have a very good handle on the character and how you want to portray him. The red text was a good, clear way to portray the painting's influence over the POV character as well — however, I'd recommend a different approach for the red nonsense text beneath the hyperlinked choices, mostly because it looks like a keysmash right now, which is slightly goofy to look at and undercuts the sort of light horror elements you're going for. Using some vague symbols or unusual characters there instead would probably be more successful in achieving that (even if it's a bit derivative). Part of me also wondered why brothels and opium dens were framed as overtly outlandish to Dorian when the suggestion arises — he describes his apathy as so overwhelming that I would expect those to be only mildly risque to him. The later murder also makes sense in the light of his descent into madness, but felt a bit rushed to me. As it appears to be the most horrific thing that occurs, I'd like to spend a bit more time exploring it!
-jess
Super engaging characters! I enjoyed interacting with your world (first with dialogue, then with Dorian's inner thoughts) and I could feel him spiraling into insanity as his thoughts became more fragmented. If you want to continue working on this: I think there's certain parts at the beginning that still feel exposition-y, and could be cut down just a tiny bit more. Towards the end, I think you struck a great balance of what details are most impactful to describe (great character description and painting metaphors).
I'm back and better than ever! I like how you were able to give a good amount of info despite how short your passages were! It's nice to see how we're able to see relationships with other characters and even sense some tension between them! One thing I will say is that you should have brought more attention to the evil voice earlier on. When I first saw it I thought your colored the line after slamming your fingers on the keyboard or it was a choice I didn't unlock because of my choices, but it turned out to be the voice!
Just one question though, was the Lord naked when we arrived to his loft?!
Nope, the Lord was only naked after your romantic encounter with him :)
very fun ride to go on and explore-i really like the descend into madness the fella goes to, especially with the faux dating novel elements in which you can kinda pick a person to be with. i chose sybil because i am not into men sorry
i wish it was a bit more descriptive though! a lot of the times when i go to kill somone it just says I picked up the knife or whatnot. Get more into detail! just not with the sex part, actually.
wonderful job of subverting expectations!
Wow, what a ride! This was really fascinating to read. First of all, I love how expressive your characters are, especially the protagonist. I appreciated the expressive dialogue choices a lot; they were rich and interesting and I got to play Dorian like a total jerk, which was fun. The story's overall pacing is also pretty spot-on. It feels like the narrative spirals out of control, which reflects the main character's gradual decline toward insanity. I really can't think of anything to critique off the top of my head. Fantastic story!! Loved it!!!
I liked the clear writing and straightforward expressions. I like the various dialogue choices you gave as I liked to troll when I play this kind of games. Because of that I really liked it lol. I also liked how each passage was nicely kept and simple. It was easy to understand and didn't feel overwhelmed playing it. I enjoyed playing it!
(Sorry if these comments are a little haphazard; I wrote them as I was playing!)
I loved the introduction! It felt like an opening cutscene, or a film scene that plays before you see the movie title.
Your writing is clear and expressive, as is the conversations! Dorian’s personality comes through in both the dialogue choices and the exposition - a personality that seems to be short on patience, confident, and vain - though in some instances, some of the language used feels a little more modern than in others.
Some bits of exposition felt a little bit long, though I liked that they gave me the feeling that I was reading Dorian's thoughts. Maybe integrating those thoughts while talking about Dorian making a facial expression or moving about the room or something might help it to feel more unified.
I was a little confused at how Dorian was wondering about disappointing Basil, while the latter had smiled when he went to dance with Henry.
I knew something was going to happen with the painting, but I wasn’t expecting that ending! It felt powerful, though it did feel a little sudden. I'm not sure if I caught on earlier in the story about the painting being a literal reflection of Dorian - or vice versa? - but once I did, it made sense!
All in all, I really enjoyed this!