A very cool adventure, beautiful to look at and a good read.
I'm always wanting constructive critique, so I also give it, so here are the few things that bugged me in an excellent adventure:
- Because it's images, I can't search for text, which is mostly an issue because the layout is very complex. I got halfway through and saw "So they ran into the seekers" and had to skim back to find that because I didn't immediately remember who they were. Not that it's easy to change that (I probably wouldn't), but that did give me trouble.
- The maps aren't on the same pages as the rooms they reference, and I think there's space for them to be, or at least for smaller replicas to be. The need for page-flipping to go between the most-complex level (Even Further Down) and its rooms bugged me.
- Also on the maps, very small thing, but the "S" for secret doors being in the same font+color as the numbers of the rooms made it so I had trouble picking out room-numbers at a glance.
- On the calligrapher, very flavorful class, just some minor notes:
- It's not entirely clear to me if you can do both a flourish and a brushstroke on the same inkshot
- I don't feel like the class is going to scale past the early levels very well, although that's true of almost every class not in the core-4.
- You have a harmless entry for the last option for flourish and brushstroke. Because the players only get to select a few of these ever, I would make the harmless ones free for anyone, as they otherwise will just not get used.
- Regarding the origami master, a very cool idea again:
- I'd love a note on how much space paper takes up, as you had for ink
- I know sentient fold can go up with a talent roll, but I feel like anyone that doesn't get that is going to be very weak after the first few levels
Honestly, really loved it. I wouldn't spend the time writing all that out if I didn't think this was a good adventure that could be made better.
Anyways, maybe you find some of that helpful if you decide to revise this, maybe not. Either way, what you've got already is excellent.
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