Very cool setting and a fun story. I think the part with Sera felt a little disconnected from the conflict between Aisha and her brother, it would have been cool to have a little build-up to the fight at the end. Still, the ending was heart-warming and overall the story flowed well.

WAIT NO NO YOU CAN’T JUST GO AND HAVE A STORY WITH NO FACTION V FACTION NONONONONO!!!!

DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!!!

In all seriousness, I had a pretty good time with this.

The pacing was probably the worst part, in my overall opinion.

Setting up the conflict in the beginning better would’ve made the end more satisfying.

I did enjoy the many descriptions, though I think it did remove from the ending conflict, which should’ve been longer.

Still, a good read.

This probably should’ve taken place in the Duchies of Vinci, as schools are literally everything to them, but I’ve read way too many stories about the Duchies this Writing Jam, so it’s a welcome change of pace.

This could have been almost any setting in any universe, not a complaint. I really liked this tale, and its feel good ending.

I actually love this setting. Putting characters from a war game into a relatively mundane school situation is a nice break from war itself while still showcasing the theme of the jam and lighter themes of war. 

My biggest criticism is that the story did feel a little short. While there are obvious constraints of a word count to deal with, it could have perhaps been edited for a more natural flow that did not feel rushed in the end.

I see two weaknesses in your story. First, it seems divorced from the Age of Fantasy setting--it mostly feels like you wrote a story about present-day high school and then palette swapped in some AoF trappings. Second, the ending felt forced; you don't win a fist fight in a ring by being a good strategist.

Your dialog was impressively natural, especially given the word count constraints. Thanks for sharing!

Good work, look forward to seeing next your next work.  Keep writing!

Good read

Good work, you have a lot of progress ahead of you. I for one, am excited to see how you develop through more of these Jams.