itch.io

This was good.

Don’t see how it connects to the theme, but a good story with a surprising ending.

Unfortunately, I had to check, and this story runs 211 words over the maximum presented in the rules, which means it should technically be disqualified.

This is a massive shame considering how good of a time I had with it.

Always love some Saurian action, and the Mesoamerican flavor really added a lot for me.

Probably the lowest stakes on a story I’ve read so far in this jam.

Good thing high stakes aren’t a marker for rating and originality is.

This was a breath of fresh air.

Thank you.

This was solid.

Had some clarity problems, but the overall story was engaging.

This was another “tail” greatly different from the status quo.

I wouldn’t say it’s a great use of creative resources, more obvious and well supplied ones, but I dearly love the way this works.

It’s a great short story. Simple, good potential morals while never necessarily demonstrating the protagonist as right, simply devout.

It’s a good time.

I’d just advise dropping the font size by a point or two.

It’ll make up the space.

This gets the highest score I’ve given for originality.

I loved the premise so much.

Unfortunately, points had to be taken off for the clarity.

Still, it was a good time.

Had some formatting issues, but overall a good time.

Interesting.

Could you please point out some of the errors? I try to do a good job with editing, but was a little rushed this jam.

Thank you dearly!

I was originally going for more element-based spirits for the gods, but upon rechecking the lore for the saurians, frog mages thought of as gods due to magic powers really stuck with me.

Mostly some run-on sentences and a bit of drag in the middle column of the page. 

A few rough sentences of dialogue.

Also noticed a few grammatical errors (the professor’s speech opens with quotation marks but doesn’t feature any at the end, for example).

A few sentences that could have been combined for clarity (make quick into quickly, and the sentence could turn into Professor Cornacchia lunged quickly for an old man), but I can see the thought process (surprisingly quickly is a better sentence, but word count prevents some of the more illustrative sentences).

It’s not a massive deal, a lot of it is stylistic choices, such as the asterisks. I’ve used those before a lot, and don’t find them a problem.

Even without understanding the reference, I still had a great time with this.

As somebody with a penchant of latching onto too many descriptors, I try to be forgiving of similar stories. This might have had a few distracting aspects, but those were far outweighed by the good those descriptors provided.

Overall, a great time 👍 

*tips hat 🎩* 

Always a pleasure to read one of your short stories.

This was great. Pushed some boundaries, but I think you handled them in a manner with purpose.

Story was quite good, though the flow and clarity sometimes stumbled a bit.

Honestly, what confuses me the most was the one review saying the ending doesn’t track with the story.

I guess it seemed obvious enough to me that she’s received similar treatment in Vinci, and her new life allows her to take what she was held back from and punish the rest for her old life.

Oh well, everyone has a different opinion, I suppose.

Glad to know you still got something out of it even when the base idea wasn’t the most appealing to you!

I knew it was a risky story structure when I wrote it; I’m just glad it’s clicked with as many people as it has.

Overall, this was a very nice story.

I’m a big fan of lone fighters taking on forces they couldn't defeat without utilizing their intelligence.

However, the grammar and some misspellings knocked a few points off.

Still a solid read.

I’ve seen a few people challenge the status quo this writing jam with some very original takes.

I really like that this is a combatless tale of mining, drinks and friendship!

 It’s got a few issues, but I had a lot of fun with it.

I’ll be the judge of that!

Your story is next on my feed, and I can’t wait to read it.

Also, thanks for the kind words!

Yeah, I think I just need to be a little less ambitious next time.

Loved the story, but I didn’t see it adhere too well to the theme.

The characters were fun, the setting was good, and the cultural details were interesting.

Wrapped up a little too quickly, perhaps.

It’s a shame, because I wouldn’t mind hearing more about these characters.

I enjoyed it.

It’s perhaps a little too impersonal at the beginning, but it well sets up the Chekhov’s gun at the end.

Cultural stuff always fascinates me.

My favorite part is easily “Her spirit had gone to the wind and her body to the soil.”

1000 words is far too few, in my opinion.

I originally had six or seven paragraphs more of the central story, but had to cut for time. I cut even more of the descriptors. I didn’t even get to describe the inside of the hut properly.

Perhaps I was just too ambitious.

The difficult part was balancing what descriptors to keep, as losing the right ones in the tale makes it more mysterious, and the wrong ones in reality make it bland.

I could have done better.

Still, glad you enjoyed it!

I’m so glad you liked it!

I really was trying to do something different from what’s normally posted.

Always love me some Beastmen, and the Ratmen as villains was a surprise twist!

Needed some more editing, but I’m all in for this type of story.

Having different chapters was a great idea!

Felt that did impact some parts being too slow, others too fast, and unfortunately, though there’s great build up to being allies, there’s not a whole lot of allyship present.

Lol yeah, hey, I had a great time with it, I was just waiting for the funnies to happen, and happen they didn't.

So… definitely not what was advertised.

Story was legit great, but I’d work on the name for next story.

Nice twist ending! Overall had a great time!

We'll have to agree to disagree there, but I see where you're coming from.

To me, an allyship would involve active participation from both sides, but again, that's all within the purviews of your conundrum of philosophy. 

It's still a solid story with great action and a thus-far greatly unique premise. I just can't give it full marks regarding how laid-out I feel the theme was and is.

Glad you enjoyed it!

So, I wrote the beginning, and then I wrote the ending, and then the middle got crammed in, so I can see what you mean with the pacing.

Still, always good to have satisfied customers!

Glad you liked it! I was actually worried a bit by the pacing, as I had to do a lot of trimming, but it's nice to hear it was somewhat cohesive.

Glad you liked it!

I’ve held onto this idea for a few jams, and was tempted to use it last jam, but I’m glad I held back.

Just my luck this theme aligned perfectly with what I was looking for 👌 

Oh yeah, that was some good fun!

Not absolutely sure which factions these are all supposed to represent, but I had a great time with this story.

Great story, though perhaps a bit lacking on the allies part.

Seemed to lean a bit more toward: desperate prisoner takes advantage of a situation to run than an actual team up.

Still a good read, though. Very atmospheric.

Also, you probably guessed, but I typed “fear”, and Autoincorrect probably went “Oops, you silly! Let me fix that for you!”

Leading to that rather nonsensical sentence there

Sly usage of allyship, though perhaps doesn’t quite hit the mark for me.

Still, did a great job in keeping me interested despite the lack of overall conflict. I’ve had stories this writing jam that were nothing but action bore me.

The overall message is great, though a bit heavy-handed in the third column.

Had a great time with this one!

Always love a good story centered around the Guerrillas.

Yeah, this was great. Some grammatical errors hold it back some, but this has one of the more solid “unlikely allies” premises I’ve read thus far!

Make sure to link the YouTube Link on discord so we can check it out tomorrow!