Play book
OPR Writing Jam #11 - Caged's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #28 | 3.346 | 3.346 |
| Overall | #30 | 3.295 | 3.295 |
| Flow & Clarity | #31 | 3.077 | 3.077 |
| Concepts & Originality | #31 | 3.462 | 3.462 |
Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Nice work! Agree with Buggritt about the poisoned food, but very engaging. Good stuff!
Thanks for your comment and kind words!
I really liked this, you could possibly have foreshadowed the poisoned food a bit early on but ultimately you revealed things at the right times. It was intriguing and engaging.
I also liked the positivity in the ending :) great read.
Thanks for the reply!
To be honest, the poison was a last second add to make the reasoning of the character more clear, but your point is 100% valid. The commander could've felt dizzy because of it, maybe a stray description of someone collapsing.... But in the end, I'm happy you enjoyed the story and I hope that I'll be able to continue bringing joy to people every next jam I'll participate in!
Well done! Loved the ending. Wasn't expecting the positivity
Thank you!
The theme allowed me to put a twist for the positive instead for the negative, so I went with that. I'm certainly planning on continueing the series, but the story is completely dependent on what themes we'll get in the next jams.
A story where the rats sort of end up as the good guys in the end. That is welcome and original.
Thanks for your reply!
Rats in OPR are relatively close to "good guys", so I tried to make them consistent in that regard.
I really enjoy this story. The birth of the ratfolk is a very cool subject, and it was cool to see it here!
I love my rats across all dimentions, galaxies and universes! Hahaha.
Thanks for the reply!
I have to clear my queue to rate it, but this was a smart story (with just few grammar and stylistical mistakes). It reminded me of the movie "Expendables" ;). My summarized rating: 4 / 5.
Because of work I was not able to sumbit my story in time, but here it is: Mysteries are not dead! by Ormrin Sinkalte Ged - Sparrowhawk (itch.io) . Feel free to read it, rate it and comment it - anyone from you, readers!:)
Thanks for your rating.
As you pointed out, there were quite a few mistakes on my part when it came to grammar. This has never happened before and I am deeply ashamed. To receive such a high rating from you feels unreal, thanks again!
I also see that I can't access your story. May be because of the queue...
English is also a secondary language for you like it is for me? Anyway, I was not playing being an English teacher, but I was just ejoying your smart story. In Discord, I quoted to what I reacted "LOL+WOW". I forgot to set my story to Public, which I just repaired - thank you for hinting me.
By the way, I am from the country, which is producing the best beer on this planet (but I am an abstinent, so I do not know that from my own experiences). What about if I will offer you, that i will send you the best beer(s) in exchange of your proofreading of my text(s)?!:)
I'm not a drinking person either, but we might be onto something. Like mutual proofreading, for example ;) XD
Then what about the best thick-sauce-with-meat (in a can to be sent by Post office) you ever tasted? I mean czech goulash.
And yes please, proofreading would be very helpful. I am even offering you prety payments. And my services - I have also another abilities than "just" the high awareness which you witnessed.
So far, I finished just 2 more stories because I was de facto proofreading them including quoting mistakes in my comments. I already gave just 3/5 to one author (https://itch.io/jam/oprwj11/rate/2904942) in an appropriate category, because of kind of confusing concept (which was not your problem:)).
It has come to my attention that there are too many grammar errors in my entry. I'm extremely sorry for this.
It's unusual for me, but it looks like... The writing didn't go as planned, ahahaha. Anyway, beware the grammar.
Don't beat yourself up too much, it's not that bad and is still easy enough to read through! I guarantee my work has a lot more grammatical errors than yours. It was a great little story, and you had a snappy prose that kept up the pace. Great work!
It can be very hard to write a sequel. Balancing connecting it to the original story and making it readable to new people. You did this very well.
Thank you! To be honest, at first I thought about writing it from the rats' point of view, but then I thought "this is too boring, I want to know what the humans are doing" and changed it.