I can only echo what the other commenters have said, this was a very entertaining story with an interesting perspective but could have been uncluttered a little bit. I'm excited to read more from you!
Play book
Weak and Foolish's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to the Theme | #5 | 3.953 | 4.167 |
| Overall | #18 | 3.619 | 3.815 |
| Flow & Clarity | #25 | 3.373 | 3.556 |
| Concept & Originality | #27 | 3.531 | 3.722 |
Ranked from 18 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
So first, respect.
Writing in present tense is HARD.
Overall, a solid story. Follows the theme well, good action, and a definite sense of hopelessness turned around by the ending.
Submitted
Through the MistsNice. Would have been good to figure out why the Founder's Forces wanted their world wiped out like that, but seeing them as a clear bad guy was pretty cool. Would like to see Joanna return as a tragic hero who somehow overcomes things with her wit and tenacity. Also, was that trap already in place or does she just have insta deploy trap a la Batman?
Submitted
Lend Me Your EarsI liked the story and the action, as per the comments I think it could work with a more show versus tell approach to highlight Joanna’s Sarah Conner style tactics, but seems like this would be a solid foundation for a series of linked stories or campaign setting.
Submitted
Denial & DeathSticking to Joanna's point of view more closely could've been nice to experience being hunted and how the others sacrificed themselves from her angle. The chase was still fun to read with the Custodian bullrushing through them and definitely on point for the theme.
Submitted
Valiant EffortNice stuff, lot's going on, but the long paragraphs made for a challenging read. I like that it was the three of them left, but I didn't feel the high stakes until about halfway through. Could you have started in the basement? Raise the stakes on the characters and see how they do.
Submitted
Caught BetweenVery well structured, though hard to remember one's place with how long the paragraphs are. It's a jam packed story, and still worth the read. I appreciate the visuals during the chase.
Submitted
The War Table
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