Play book
A Surprise Forged In Steel's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #16 | 3.667 | 3.667 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #17 | 3.476 | 3.476 |
| Overall | #21 | 3.524 | 3.524 |
| Concept & Originality | #28 | 3.429 | 3.429 |
Ranked from 21 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I love your take on the Battle Brothers, but feel that you would have hit the theme better if you hadn't set it up so that the Robot Legions actually outnumbered them. As it was, the Battle Brothers didn't really have a strength advantage.
That is true! I had intended on Cogwyn saying something like "What good is strength if one lacks the intelligence to wield it," but it seemed a bit on the nose. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
What a finale to the Writing Jam!
33 Entries to rate (not including my own) and this one was the very last one.
And what a story!
You did good on following the theme, you made good and interesting characters, and I loved your antagonist’s motivation!
A little bit of polish needed, perhaps, but overall, a blast of a story!
I'm glad you liked it!
I appreciated the sardonic, more detached look at the Battle Brothers and your commentary on their true nature - especially the sort of thinking that being quite literally genetically engineered for war would induce in them. (Are they that different from orks, when you get right down to it?) The line about "aim for their leader; he's the one not wearing a helmet" brought a lil' grin to my face. The hints of a larger story were nice as well. I see you've written something for one other jam here - am I right in guessing you're a relatively new writer? I say that only to lead into, I can't offer any criticism more specific than "needs polishing" - and I mean that in the "keep working, there's a jewel under there" sense. Keep writing, hone your craft and develop your voice, and I hope to read more from you next time around!
Thank you, I appreciate that! I did one for the previous jam as well as a scifi short story called Zandura. (It's on Amazon but, the sooner I can stop relying on them the better) I hope to keep improving! I'm glad that line worked, I'd seen a video recently poking fun at minis not wearing helmets and thought to take that to a logical conclusion. I'm thinking of continuing this outside of the jam as well but I'm unsure at the moment. I have an idea for something but it usually takes the prompt announcement to get an idea goin. Thank you again!
You're very welcome! :) The best advice for improving my writing I ever got was "sit down and write something", and that's harder some days than others. Like most things, showing up is 90% of the battle though, at least in my experience. Even if no-one else ever reads it - I wrote a thing!
That's the exact mentality I use! I wanted to tell a story with these alien dudes I had in my head for a while, so in 2020-21 I finally sat down and just, wrote. That's what I do when I see the jam prompts too, think of the base plot, write it, read it with my friends and streamline a bit like if a sentence might run on and whatnot. And hey, if what I made makes someone happy, that's my goal to entertain!
A lot of tales of cocky BBs lately too. Go Robot Legions!
Their thirst for information must be quenched!
Good read! I liked the jump between perspectives from Battle Brothers to Robot Legions.
Thank you!
Good imagery development, would be interesting to explore a few concepts presented further in future jams.
Oh I plan to, read my story from last jam for a bit of context on that ending. Some stuff has been made outdated with the new lore but just replace uses of God-King with Conduit and it should still work fine.
I appreciate the comment as well, thank you lots!
I liked the imagery present in the story. Looking forward to reading your stuff in the next jam!
Thanks! I'm glad to hear that!