Play book
Unsanctioned Percussive Maintenance's itch.io pageResults
Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
Concepts & Originality | #4 | 4.154 | 4.154 |
Overall | #9 | 3.897 | 3.897 |
Adherence to Theme | #13 | 3.962 | 3.962 |
Flow & Clarity | #21 | 3.577 | 3.577 |
Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I loved your story. The way the robot was characterized by his unique speech patterns and inability to understand the dwarf's work methods and speech. Top notch story for sure. Like others, if I had to complain it would be that I left wanting more interaction between the two of them, and less of the summary at the end. Despite that still one of the best stories I've read as part of this jam so far. You have some serious talent.
A top contender. I like the techinical, Grimdark point if view.
fantastic work.
This was a fun idea, I love the idea of mechanical logic trying to understand mortal concepts. I think ur story’s strongest point is also its biggest detraction.
The talking between the unit and the dwarf was chefs kiss good. And it made all the formatting you did to make it a log, sad.
Not because it was bad but because there was only 1000 words and each word you spend on selling the visual was precious words you could have used to let them communicate more. That communication was your best part.
You did a good job with the "technobabble" in terms of readibility, but I was a little disappointed that you spent so many words on it while summarizing the rest of the escape as "contained in detail in the ship's relay log". I think giving Unit 306 and the dwarf more space to bounce off each other would have really made your story shine.
Nice. Exeptionally well written!
$Query$: Freedom when?
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Remand for refit. Query deleted.
I don't know who to feel for more... 306 or.... 304. Huh? There was a Dwarf? I think I'd remember encountering a biologic as distinctive as a Dwarf. Remand yourself for refit.
This is one of my favorites so far, lots of good world-building concepts implied without just mass exposition, very nice!
That was fun! Just a couple of minor notes.
Your psuedo-terminal formatting, while thematic, made parts of the story much harder to read than necessary. Similarly, I'd recommend Italics rather than ALL CAPS for the robot dialog--all caps is surprisingly hard to read.
I also wish you'd managed to fit some of the actual working together into your submission, rather than just giving a footnote about it. The 1k word limit is pretty challenging, though, so I understand why that didn't happen.
Definitely one of the better submissions I've read so far!