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The Prisoners' Freedom (OPR Writing Jam 9)'s itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #10 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| Overall | #12 | 3.846 | 3.846 |
| Flow & Clarity | #13 | 3.692 | 3.692 |
| Concepts & Originality | #22 | 3.846 | 3.846 |
Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
Good story! Like others, it could've used some pacing changes. Maybe the omission of a joke or two would've made the rest of them feel a little better and given them more of a punch. The jokes themselves are good, I just think there's too many of them for the length. All in all a job well done.
'What? What galaxy would a stoic Dorf and brave Owk wun fwom a fite?
Thiiiis oneeeee.
Some great humor in this tale. I love that the Dwarf's 'culture' and 'education' meant almost every escape plan revolved around their perceived Dwarf Society value in riches and thus gold. That and the Orc counter culture of 'I don't really have any attraction to this shiny crap like you weirdos do.' Great stuff.
It's fucking amazing! I like the humor very much.
I got confused by the "neutral gender" of the orc and thought there were two orcs in the cell ^^
Also, was the orc in quarrel over strategies with the outpost leader? Which position in the outpospt did the orc have to get into strategic quarrel? Or was he just going waaaaghh because orc's do so?
Pls. more stories! :)
Loved it! Agreeing with other comments that it could've used space to breathe in parts, but that's absolutely a limit of needing to be one page. Otherwise, I enjoyed the characters and bits of humor.
I think this one needed just a little more space to breathe - or maybe just another pass to condense and rephrase to give the humor the timing it really wanted - but "hit the Foreman like a termination of employment slip hitting his inbox" made me smile. A good read!
really liked your humor! Some things are a bit abrupt, but i guess thats mainly due to the word limit. Great Job!
Great! Wish the ending had a little more punch, but that would have probably needed a few dozen more words to play with.
I liked your story. I was going to read some in a video or a stream, any objection to reading yours?
No objection whatsoever! Feel free to send a link to the video if it ends up in a rewatchable form, I'd love to see someone reading it!
- loving the irreconcilable clash of viewpoints the two orcs had
- loving the use of the dwarf as an emergency battering ram
- slightly disappointed that we didn't get any reaction from the dwarf after being used as an emergency battering ram
This was a fun story, thanks!
I do think the adherence to theme was your weakest category. I definitely see how this does fit the theme of unlikely allies, but I wish it felt more like Grek and the foreman had worked together to get out of the cell. In this version of the story, it felt more like Grek escaped than the pair of them escaping.
I enjoyed your writing and am looking forward to more in future writing jams.
Aye, I didn't get as many rewrites in as I would have liked for this one, so I was worried I'd spread the "unlikely allies" a bit thin. Grek & the Foreman were originally meant to be one of three groups that had technically become unlikely allies, but one group only gets revealed in the last few paragraphs, and I'm not sure if the third even comes across in the final product.
Glad you enjoyed it though!