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Shinsplint Learns A Lesson - OPR Writing Jam #7 Submission's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concept & Originality | #1 | 4.374 | 4.611 |
| Flow & Clarity | #2 | 4.058 | 4.278 |
| Overall | #9 | 3.865 | 4.074 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #26 | 3.162 | 3.333 |
Ranked from 18 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I loved the details here - how Shinsplint noted that chivalric law was designed for larger creatures, how the bandit's swing missed because he didn't adjust his form to account for size differences, how scent plays a big role in Shinsplint's perception of the world.
I love the premise of this. The concept of a goblin striving earnestly to be a really good Knight is hilarious. If I am unflinchingly honest, though, I don't think this story lived up to the premise. I was expecting more of a farce, or at least some comedy arising from how a goblin, with a very different cultural perspective, understands the demands of knighthood and chivalry. (You had the beginnings of this, such as with Shinsplint emphasizing scent in how he perceives the world, but it didn't go anywhere.) There isn't even a great deal of slapstick going on (which, again, a nine-men-v-one-goblin fight seems to invite). Basically I was expecting to laugh, and I only kinda chuckled.
Again, it's a great premise, and the story is well-written from a technical standpoint. I'd suggest that you rework it to take better advantage of the unique and entertaining possibilities available with the idea of a goblin striving for knighthood.
I guess I'm not sure how to incorporate this feedback into my writing - it sounds like you just wanted to read a different story about different goblins than the ones I wanted to write about? (Or the humor didn't land for you, which is fair).
I mean, that's a fair assessment. :)
In all honesty, thank you - your reply drew me up short, and I had to reflect a little on why that was. I was letting my expectations get the better of me. I have a personal rule about approaching art for what it is (as opposed to what I think it should be). I didn't follow that rule here. I'm not sure what happened. I may have been having an off day?
So really I'm left with, the story was very well written, and Shinsplint is a charming character to engage with.
Thank you for your kind words - it was actually your entry in the last Writing Jam that inspired me to inject a little humor into my entry this time around.
That means a lot - I'm really glad you found Midnight Rites inspiring in that way. Thank *you* for your patience - I am sorry that I forgot myself and didn't give your story a fair read the first time around.
Human Slayer! lol. Sir Shinsplint is a hero for our times. I'm sure under the right mentor, he'll be the best Knight ever.
that was a lot of fun!
Always love my shortstack tanks!
Loved it! Very imaginative story and the characters were done super well!
I think the hardest part of these Writing Jams is trying to create a compelling character in only a thousand words - it's nice to hear that I hit the mark!
Fun little number about everyone's favourite characters! Great stuff!
tight story and fun, quite well done!
Thank you! For this Writing Jam I wanted to try out a different voice than I normally write in, and I'm glad to hear it went over well.
I love this story so so much, keep following your dreams Shinsplint!
Such an adorably macabre story. It gave me a smile every paragraph!
I'm glad you liked it! I wanted to write something about goblins, and that always comes with a little absurdity, but I wanted to write about goblins that were dangerous as well.