The writing does feel raw in many ways – punctuation, caps lock overuse, strange phrasings – and there are enough ESL-isms that it's gets distracting. A gentle but firm editorial touch to hone out the issues would help a lot; you can kind of tell that only the beginning was edited at all.

Besides surface-level polish issues, I'm kind of bothered by the game constantly explaining things. Emotions are sometimes needlessly stated (the "in my angry temper" feels extraneous when she has shown to be angry quite clearly), the flashback does a lot of slightly awkward backstory filling via characters mentioning facts about their daily lives, and the most interesting and evocative moment in the back half is told in monologue without any kind of visual representation of the events. It might be that there's just too much explained in general; the story being this short, the central conflict really needs to be in the spotlight for its emotional stakes to work. There's a decent amount of information conveyed, and you do get a sense of who these characters are (especially the protagonist, who has some good comedic bits), but their interactions in the main plot feel hard to engage with because it's all so hurried and abstract.

The premise is admittedly a creative one, especially in how it uses the game jam's theme. (A fungal network expanding wasn't my first thought when it was announced!) And while the central character design is not bad or anything, I really like the original mushroom dragon lady in your devlog – curse you, MAY WOLF's stringent rules.

First I want to say thank you Peppekz for your notes on my other (non wolf jam) vn back in May.

I am trying harder to keep my sentences shorter as a result.  Please bear with me!  It's hard to break a lifetime habit.

I have great respect for multilingual authors!  I couldn't imagine writing a vn in anything other than my language. 

There were a couple instances where I had trouble understanding the intent of your words.  I had to read some lines two or three times before it clicked.  Those were, however, few and far between.

You certainly took a creative route in regard to theme on multiple levels.  There's a physical, a mental, and an emotional aspect.

You also focused on an underrepresented group in the fvn community.  I know it would be difficult for me to do so, as it is outside my personal experience.

If you do decide in the future to expand on the story, it would be nice to have additional flashback graphics.  I would like to see more before the union of wolf and mushroom. 

I do realize the fungus could sense what was happening, but not truly understand.  Since it  couldn't 'see', simple colorful silhouette visuals could be appropriate.

I know you were busy with multiple projects, so it limited the time you had to add elements.  I also feel that we are so accustomed to longer novels that shorter stories seem underdeveloped by comparison.  I think that's something all of us are dealing with right now!

I look forward to seeing what else you come up with in the future!

Spoilers ahead. read at your own caution.

Theme: More explicit than most. Finding the new boundaries outside of the constraints of nobility, inducted into the spore colony, finding new horizons. It's present enough to be easily pointed to, which I think means you did well here. In this case, you having a shorter narrative meant you dug into the theme more, and it showed. Sometimes, less is more.

Story: Lesbians. Fungus Colony. Haughty mother. Running away. Iconic as always. You've done it again.

A bit brief, a bit rushed to the point, a bit jumbled in narrative flow, but fun as always. Your voice shines through, and your idiosyncratic voice is a delight to consume.

Also, yay lesbians! Appreciate your focus on other spaces (mushroom lovers too lol).

Presentation: The rain was nice! I liked the Baroque(?) music for the palace.

My main issue was that the mushroom wolf wasn't mushroomy enough. I wanted MORE. That was  a wolf with hint of mushroom. I wanted her to be flooded with mushroom growth, like the mushroom armor in Elden Ring. I also appreciated the cg. 

Creativity: I stan dating the mushroom colony queen. The origin of it was also curious, with another woman having being tragically lost to make Queen come to fruition. I maybe wanted more plot beats though to get to that point. It's a bit rushed, which kinda kills the flow.

Overall thoughts: I enjoy reading whatever you do. Your PoV is so wild, and that's what makes your works so curious to read. Thank you for sharing as always.